Life of a Full Time Mom

Intermission

2006-01-06T12:35:00.000-08:00

I think I will be gone for awhile.
Will try to update at a later time.
Things just a little too crazy 'round here.

2005-12-23T14:27:00.000-08:00

If you read my sister's blog, you know that my grandmother is in the process of...dying.

When you are six months pregnant, you don't need an excuse to feel emotional. And when you have an excuse...it's totally, horribly, worse.

So that's why I haven't been writing. Cause I can't write about my grandmother without falling to pieces, and everything else I may write about just seems so stupid.

To my readers:

Happy Holidays. Enjoy the ones you love.

Latest blog I've discovered

2005-12-15T15:14:00.000-08:00

Had to give this one a shout out. It's just so beautiful, and so sad, and...
you should go check it out. But have some tissues handy.

http://www.fiveyearslater.blogspot.com/

UC still in the hot seat

2005-12-15T08:43:00.000-08:00

Article this morning about another lawsuit against the UC system.

California's public universities and colleges violate federal law by charging illegal immigrants lower in-state tuition rates, discriminating against U.S. citizens from out of state who are charged a higher rate, according to a class action lawsuit filed Wednesday in Yolo County Superior Court in Woodland.
Lawyers representing dozens of students across the state -- and potentially thousands more who pay out-of-state tuition to attend the state's public colleges and universities -- declared that those students are penalized by the state and denied public benefits given illegal immigrants. The suit names regents of the University of California, trustees of the California State University and governors of the California Community Colleges as defendants.
"They are victims of an illegal policy of discrimination,'' said Redwood City lawyer Michael J. Brady, "that has cost them hundreds of millions of dollars collectively.''

You can read the full article here.
I actually graduated from a California State college. The first year I attended, I had been in the state less than a year, and so was not considered a resident. I had to pay substantially more tuition than students who were residents. It galled me, a lot, but those were the rules.

Here, I think, is the main question of the lawsuit: Shouldn't the first premise of being a "legal resident" of any state be that you are a "legal immigrant" of the country? If the student is in the country illegally, how can they be considered a legal resident anywhere in the nation?

People who are against the lawsuit claim, I think rightfully so, that these young adults are in the country already, most of them have lived here for years, and like it or not, they are not going anywhere. They argue that if the students are going to live here, we should give them the opportunity to get educated and become contributing members of society. That's probably true, too.

The problem with this, and a lot of the immigration laws, is I think the people who go the legal route end up being punished and penalized, while the people who come here and stay illegally end up cruising by. I paid highter tuition costs for one year because I was honest and admitted that I was not yet a resident. I could have gotten one of my friend's addresses, put it on the college application so that all my paperwork would have been sent there, and marked the "resident" box. If those who follow the laws end up getting penalized, while those who don't follow the laws end up with a free ride and no consequences of their actions, how can we still expect everyone to do the "right thing"? What's the point?

In other news: my finger is a lot better--it's actually amazing to me how fast it's healing.

Ask the Mohel for a local

2005-12-13T12:45:00.000-08:00

Okay, okay, it's been a week since I've said (written) anything, which is my bad. And I could make the situation worse by regailing you with cute stories of my kids, like how Nathan kept me up two nights ago because he was terrified that aliens were in the house. (Other kids are afraid of monsters, but not my kid! Oh, no! Cause mine are extra cute and extra special!) And you'd quickly flip away from this post, thinking, what the eff?? I waited a week for some soppy story about her kid?? Screw this!

But maybe what you really want to hear about is how I circumcised my finger! Yes! At Nathan's birthday party! Because lots of bloggers disappear for a week, but how many can say that they cut out a chunk of their finger during their absence! So ha, I win!

Seriously, though. When it was time to get the birthday cake ready, I got a brand new (and obviously too sharp) knife out of it's packaging to cut it, and in the process, I sliced a piece of my finger off. It was really just a wide piece of skin off the top, but it wouldn't stop bleeding. So I had to quickly wrap a paper towel around it, and ask some of the other moms to take pictures and cut the cake, while I ran to the bathroom and tried not to freak out the kids.

I felt like an idiot, let me tell you.

Ehh, it will grow back.

I wonder how many hits I will get now from people googling "circumcised finger." Hee hee.

Anyway! On to the news! Here in California, an article about a recent lawsuit caught my eye. The gist of it is, a Christian high school doesn't like it that the UC school people won't accept three of their classes for college admissions. The problem is not the whole curriculum, mind you. UC accepts almost all of their classes for college admissions. Just not three of them. Because they don't meet with UC standards.

"The suit, filed on behalf of the students and the Christian school and scheduled for a hearing today in U.S. District Court in Los Angeles, centers on three classes offered at Calvary Chapel Christian School that UC officials have refused to certify for admissions credit.
High school students who want to attend a UC campus must complete a sequence of UC-approved college-preparatory courses. The lawsuit says the university system discriminated against the Christian students by refusing to certify the classes.
UC officials argue that they have a right to set admissions standards to ensure that students are ready for college and say they consistently reject courses from both public and private schools for not meeting those benchmarks."

Here's the rub: the Christian school is claiming that the UC standards go against their religious beliefs, and that's why they shouldn't be held accountable to them. They're saying that they should have the right to teach the classes however they want, in whatever religious slant they want, and UC should accept it that way.

I don't know what to think about this. On the one hand, I don't think that any of those attending the Christian high school should believe that they have an inherent right to go on to a UC college. Going to college is not a requirement. It's something that a student strives for, something they should have to apply to and work towards. The UC system should be allowed to set whatever standards they want, in my opinion, the higher, the better.

On the other hand, should the UC people be able to decide how students are taught about things like abortion, euthanasia, and the like? Should UC policy dictate the slant of the way the facts are presented? As long as the teacher teaches that these things exist, that the facts happen or have happened, is it up to the UC "standards" to decide whether the teacher teaches that these things are good or bad?

I don't know. It goes both ways, doesn't it?

Well...on to eating Rainbow Cookies! There's a whole post about that, right there.

My brain is leaking out my nose

2005-12-06T09:57:00.000-08:00

I have a cold. A very, very, bad, very, very, classic case of the common cold. I am not a happy camper.

But!

Ilan is now a first-degree Blackbelt, done deal, forever and ever, ah-men.
I am in my twenty-fourth week of pregnancy, if anyone is wondering (ha!).

I will be gone while I recover, I think.
Going back to bed now.

So, what's new with you?

2005-12-01T08:05:00.000-08:00

Things I'm trying not to screw up:

Ilan becomes a Blackbelt this weekend. It's an all-day thing. He has his Physical Training test in the morning (three freakin hours!), and then, in the evening, is a "Blackbelt Gala." (How do you pronounce that word?? Ga-lah, or Gay-lah?? Help! I'm showing my stupidity!)

To the Gala, Ilan has to wear his heavy-weight karate uniform, so: off that went to the cleaners!
Nathan will need to wear a suit, so: off we went to Kohl's to buy him a new suit! Because there's nothing cuter than a five year old wearing a formal suit! Especially when you can buy the suit 50% off during the holiday shopping rush!
Luiz, of course, will also have to wear a suit, so: OH, NO!! My husband, who has worn a suit exactly three times in his entire life, does not have a suit! The one he wore last time (about three years ago) is full of holes!! A pox on you, moths!! And he will not go after work to shop for a new suit! So he will be stuck with whatever he can off the rack, right before the Gala! Cause, dearest, you are not going with a five year old who is better dressed than you are. But little boys! They are so cute in suits!

Also:
I have been preoccupied with others' blogs lately. Like Persephone, and Cecily, and House of Joy. Oh, yes, and my sister's. And, by the way? Calling someone's comments stupid and dishonest--that's no way to avoid debate!! Cause them those are fightin' words!! Hoo-yah!

Also:
The pregnancy has begun it's serious affect on my brain. Including my language region. In case you haven't noticed.

2005-11-29T13:58:00.000-08:00

Can't write. Too mad at my sister. UGH!
But I wrote a lovely comment in her blog, if you want to go read it.

ADDED: How come no one is mentioning the latest NJG post? The poor woman just broke up with her boyfriend, and now she's getting pounded on!! UGH! More to be mad about!!

Harry Potter Spoilers

2005-11-26T19:03:00.000-08:00

I saw the new Harry Potter movie a yesterday, and since this is MY blog, I decided I get to complain about the movie a little here. But be warned, spoilers ahead, so if you haven't seen it yet, then
goodbye.
**********

Okay. So how come they didn't show more of Sirius Black? You see his face, kinda, through a fire, for like ten seconds. Come on!! And how come you don't see Dobby at all? He plays a seriously crucial part!!
And why didn't they even mention that Hagrid and Maxime are half giant? Or that Rita Skeeter can transform into a Beetle? Cause these little facts will be mighty important later, in the next movie or two, if they follow the books at all.
And then they had to go and add that Ron knew about the dragons, but didn't warn Harry? For Pete's sake!! It makes Ron look totally rotten! And Dumbledore attacks Harry to find out if he knew who put his name in the goblet? When did Dumbledore ever lose his temper and carelessly attack anyone? Especially Harry? He always had nerves of steel! They make him look like an angry scary old man!

I can deal with them leaving stuff out, cause it's already a two and a half hour movie, so I guess they had to make choices. But why did they have to put plot twists in, that weren't in the book? Sheesh!!

2005-11-24T09:32:00.000-08:00

HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE!

No Honor in the Title

2005-11-23T11:14:00.000-08:00

This is a very depressing article. A Chief Rabbi's son, Sephardi Chief Rabbi Shlomo Amar, abducts his sister's "suitor," beats him up, and threatens both him and his sister. Meanwhile, his parents (his mother, at least) know about what the son is doing, yet don't try to call police or stop him in any meaningful way.

What's even worse is that, as part of the Rabbi's son's plea bargain, the "Chief Rabbi's family has promised to help the boy's absorption in a yeshiva, a difficult task since he had decided to turn to the police."

Um, the Chief Rabbi's son is threatening to kill him, the Chief Rabbi's wife knows about it and is doing nothing....What the hell else was he supposed to do if he wanted to live? And yet, the yeshiva community would hold this against him?

What about the Chief Rabbi, HELLO?

Chief Rabbi my butt. If this guy is a Rabbi, who's giving out Smicha these days? Criminals?

Totally sappy post, skip if you want

2005-11-22T10:05:00.000-08:00

I have the best husband in the world. Seriously. Sure, he annoys me sometimes, and he can really piss me off when he wants to (and even when he doesn't want to), but he is still the best husband in the world.

Case in point: last week, over breakfast, I asked him if there was anything specific he wanted me to get done that day. You know, call someone about something, or pay a bill, or deposit a check, something like that. And he said, "You want to know what I really want you to do today? I want you to do something today to make yourself happy." And he was totally serious.

I scrapped all my housework and laundry plans and started getting ready to go see the new Harry Potter movie. Of course, a half hour later the school called and told me that Ilan threw up, and that I might have to pick him up early, so obviously going to see a movie was now out, but still. Every time I remember how he told me to go do something to make myself happy, I smile.

I asked Luiz last night what I do that annoys him. Here were his answers:
1. I can creep him out by staring at him. (But I stare at him with love!)
2. I yell at the T.V., and have given it the finger on occasion. He finds this evidence of my craziness. (But it is always totally deserved. Our T.V. can be a real bastard.)
3. Lately, my burps smell cheesy. he doesn't like it. (This one is completely beyond my control.)

That was it. I know he could have come up with more, but I also know that the answers he gave me were meant to make me laugh. Cause he likes to make me laugh.

Cause he's the best husband in the world.

Americans will understand Clalit Health Services

2005-11-20T09:03:00.000-08:00

Anyone living in America knows how stupid our healthcare system works. It's not just that there's no universal health care system (don't get me started on THAT), it's that the private health insurance companies can be so...STUPID.

They get all caught up in their legalities and contracts and paperwork, they forget that sometimes, what the patient is requesting can actually save them money, even if the care they request is not strictly covered under the terms of their plan.

For instance, my mother--yah, VERY PERSONAL experience here--suffers from a chronic illness, which used to require frequent and lengthy hospitalizations. About two years ago, she started taking a relatively new drug, which costs about $500 dollars a month for her to take. In the last two years, she has needed only one hospitalization, and was in there for about half the time she she used to be.

But her health insurance company doesn't want to pay for the drug anymore. They say that it's not covered under the terms of her plan.

So here's the thing: they save themselves from paying for the drug, but if my mother goes back to being in and out of the hospital, they'll have to pay up for all her stays. How much is one night in the hospital? At least $5,000 dollars? So a week would cost them around, what, $35,000?

That's 70 MONTHS of the drug. Almost six years. For each hospital stay. And she used to go in every two months. That's six hospitalizations a year=420 MONTHS of the drug=35 years of being on the drug. And no more costly hospitalizations.

But they don't want to pay. Cause...well, cause...cause they are STUPID.

I used to think that Israel was different. I think it really was, a few years ago, before all the HMOs took off. Israelis understood a little something called "common sense." They also seemed to genuinely care more for their fellow human beings. They wouldn't let a neighbor die from a treatable illness, simply because they didn't have the money to pay.

But things are different now. According to a recent article, Clalit Health Services tried very hard to sue a cancer survivor for money spent on her specialized tests. Tests that resulted in her not getting her chest opened up. Tests that saved her from needless added surgery. Tests that, in the end, saved them money. But they don't see it that way. Cause the tests weren't supposed to be paid for under her plan.

Of course, once the media got wind of this story ("Clalit Health Services SUCKS"), they dropped the lawsuit. Maybe cause...well, cause...they didn't want to look STUPID?

*******
P.S. Please drop by Eli's mom's blog and send Eli a big "get well." He got badly burned last week. He's not even three years old. We should all pray for a full recovery.

Send the bucket to Bush?

2005-11-19T19:00:00.000-08:00

Here's something that seriously gets to me: if Republicans claim to care about life so much, why are they making cuts to programs like health care?

Here in the Bay Area, it's probably much like the rest of the country: if you're poor, and rely on the 'We Respect Life' Government of Bush Inc, you're probably more likely to die from your medical problems than if you had money to pay out of pocket for better medical care. If you have Medical, you're in trouble: hospitals won't see you.

It's all a P.R. show, and that's what gets my blood pressure up. Cause let's face it, an "unborn child" can't vote against budget cuts.

In other news: a neighborhood cat has decided that my kid's outdoor sandbox is, well, it's sandbox. Nathan proudly filled a bucket of evidence of this disgusting fact before we knew what he was digging in there for so long. Of course, he just had to show the smelly load to his older brother, who promptly puked.

I cleaned up the kids. Luiz cleaned out the sandbox. Ahhh, good times.

In other news: we've been invited out to another family's house for Thanksgiving. This is the first time we've been invited out for Thanksgiving, and I have no idea what to bring. Is the usual flowers/chocolates/alcohol still good enough? Or does this require something more?

Getting snippy

2005-11-17T10:16:00.000-08:00

Still here, still getting wacko comments from people about the whole having another boy/ carrying the weight on my butt, DAMMIT. One woman actually told me that she knew someone who was told she was having a boy, but then had a girl, and how she's so sure by the way I look that I'm having a girl, that I shouldn't believe the ultrasound. I wanted to say, yeah, two ultrasound technicians told me I'm having a boy, and I could see his little boy parts on the screen myself, but I shouldn't trust that, oh no, I should trust my ass.

Judge for yourself: I'm almost 21 weeks, and I've gained ten pounds. Baby measures fine for dates. Is this an abnormal weight gain??

In other news, Bushies are trying to split up the 9th Circuit Court of Appeals. They say it's because it's too big. Of course, everyone knows that they just don't like the 9th's rulings against Conservatives. Hey, can we do this with the Supreme Court, too, if they overturn Roe V. Wade? Which they will, if Alito gets on the bench?

And since when is it okay to say whatever lies it takes to get a job, especially the job of a judge?

Upon finding out I'm having another boy

2005-11-15T13:50:00.000-08:00

The Clueless

People who look at me with pity, and say things like "oh, you poor thing," or, "oh, you must be so disappointed," or, (my favorite) "what a shame."

The Idiots

People who, upon realizing that I'm not upset that I'm having another boy, try to convince me to be upset. They'll say things like, "every woman should have at least one girl," or, "there is no bond like the one between mother and daughter," or, "but you deserve a girl!" or, "you know, of course, that now you'll have to try again...for a girl, of course."

The Total Doofuses

People who tell me that they thought I was going to have a girl, because I'm carrying all the extra weight on my butt....and people who tell me I'm so lucky not to look pregnant, just fat. Um, Yay for me!

The short version

2005-11-13T11:15:00.000-08:00

Oh, man.

I could be talking about

1) the riots in France, or

2) Rabin's assassination anniversary (and by the way, doesn't the word "anniversary" imply something happy, like a wedding or a graduation? Why do we use it for something horrible like an assassination?), or

3) how Hillary Clinton has seemingly changed her stance on Israeli-Palestinian diplomacy, or

4) how Kaiser Permanente is killing patients, or

5) the latest election results in Israel, or

6) the latest voting results in California

But I AM TOO TIRED.

So!

I will simply say that I think the riots in France are lame, that Rabin's death was a ridiculous waste, that I will have to see more change in Hillary before I would ever dream of voting for her for President (and YES, I do think she will eventually run), that I hope Kaiser is sued up the wazoo, that I am too ignorant of the issues right now to have a fair opinion on what's going on in Israel, and that I'm happy Ah-Nold is eating crow. And leave it at that.

What I'm doing right now, instead of doing laundry: playing this game.

By a few inches go I

2005-11-10T13:36:00.000-08:00

I have been feeling a little foggy the past couple days, since getting the news that the baby is, so far, doing healthy and normal. I think it's not unlike crossing the street and realizing that you just almost got hit by a truck; you take a deep breath, and think "wow, I just almost got hit by a truck," and for a couple days afterwards, as you go on with your life, every so often you suddenly stop whatever it is you're doing and think, "I could have been hit by that truck. Wow."

There are certain milestones that every pregnant woman expects to hit, and yet worries horribly that she won't. The first is the ultrasound confirming that she is, in fact, pregnant, with a viable embryo; the next is probably feeling the baby move for the first time; and the next is the lists of tests she has to go through to make sure that the baby is healthy. Most of the time, the baby is fine. But sometimes there is something wrong, and sometimes there is something very, very, wrong, a problem that doctors call "incompatible with life." Every woman knows the risks, and hopes that she won't fall on the wrong end of the statistics.

I'm not done worrying, not by a long shot. I know that things can still go horribly, viciously, wrong. As I was sitting in the doctor's office, I read an article in an infertility magazine about a woman who lost her baby in her 30th week from a cord accident. (Okay, first of all, why would a magazine like that publish an article like that? And why would my OB's office have it? SERIOUSLY.)

A woman came into the office, leaning on a man I assume was her husband, holding a bunch of tubing coming out from under her dress. She turned around and saw a woman behind us, rocking a baby in a car seat. She started to cry. Her husband quickly said something to the receptionist, who got a nurse, who led the woman and her husband into the back posthaste. As the door closed, I heard the nurse say, "It looks like you're recovering from the C-section well." I can only imagine what hell that woman is going through.

And hope I never have to find out.

Cause, you know, I just missed that truck.

Vindicated

2005-11-08T12:28:00.000-08:00

I'm back from the level 2 ultrasound. Everything is fine. Heart fine, kidneys fine, brain fine, growth fine. The radiologist said there was no need for a follow-up.

Got pictures, and a video of the entire exam. Take that, radiolobitch.

This kid is definitely a boy. Big feet, and a big weiner.

The doctor's call

2005-11-07T12:57:00.000-08:00

A few hours after I put up my last post, my doctor did call.
The bad news: the fetus has a choroid plexus cyst.
The good news: I'm not worried about it. My oldest son also had choroid plexus cysts, which went away on their own. The Radiolobitch didn't see any other problems other than the cyst, which basically rules out anything really bad; but even so, I'm having another ultrasound done tomorrow to make sure there's nothing else wrong.
More good news: The ultrasound I'm having done tomorrow is in a different office, which does take video, of the entire exam, no less.
And the really big news:

*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
It's another boy.
Oh. My. God.
I'm gonna be totally outnumbered.

Radiolobitch

2005-11-07T10:45:00.000-08:00

I'm back from my twenty week ultrasound--the "big" one, when they check for major problems. I brought a video tape with me, all ready for the radiology tech woman to stick it in the machine--and then she tells me that she doesn't make video tapes! AT ALL!

Now, I can understand why she wouldn't want to video tape the exam itself. But she could have taped a few minutes at the end, so that I have some video to take home and show Luiz. Who, by the way, didn't come. But no! Radiolobitch wouldn't tape ANYTHING!! UGGHH!!

She wouldn't let me see the screen, either. I tried to watch from the table, and when she saw me looking, she turned the screen away so I couldn't see. Super mega bitch. I asked her if she would "let" me see the baby for a few minutes at the end, and she was like, "well, that would be fine," like she's doing me a huge favor.

This was not the experience I was expecting. I mean, I knew she wouldn't be able to tell me if she saw a problem or not, but I thought she would at least make the experience pleasant, and give me something to take home. But no! She has to keep all the images to herself! BITCH!

Can you tell I'm not happy?

Well, it's over, and now the waiting begins to find out if she saw a problem. I'm thinking that if she did see something wrong, the radiology department will call my OB by lunch time, and I'll know by this afternoon. If everything goes like it should. Hah.

And now the other big question: Is it a boy or a girl? That information is written down on a piece of paper, folded up in a sealed envelope, sitting in my car. I don't know what it says. If I don't get a phone call from my doctor's office by tonight, I will assume that everything is okay enough that they didn't see a reason to call me right away with bad news, and I will break open the envelope with Luiz.

But I don't want to know what it is until I know that the fetus is okay. If I have to terminate, God forbid...I don't think I'll ever want to know.

No long post on account of...

2005-11-06T14:29:00.000-08:00

It's my birthday!!
Happy Birthday to Me!!

Question for George Lucas: Are we really supposed to feel sympathy for Darth Vader now, after having watched him go from "good" Anakin to the evil guy in the iron lungs? Do you really think we'll suddenly see him as a victim? Cause, in my opinion, after all the horrible and truly evil stuff he did as Vader, there is no such thing as redemption for a guy like that. His life was sad, but he is far from being a "victim." He is still a true icon of evil in Hollywood standards.

Abortion Facts

2005-11-01T10:43:00.000-08:00

Obvious, but overlooked, fact #1:
When a woman is pregnant, her whole body is pregnant. Not just her uterus. Her blood flow increases; her hormones change throughout her body; her bones stretch; her digestive system slows down; in short, all ten systems of her body are effected, not just her reproductive system.

Obvious, but overlooked, fact #2:
Women in this country (as well as the world over, but I live in this one) still die from being pregnant. Not just from childbirth. They die because, for one reason or another, their bodies could not handle supporting another human being growing inside them.

Obvious, but overlooked, fact #3A:
We have laws in this country protecting people's right to control their own bodies. A person is never forced to use any part of their body to save another, even if doing so would not put their own safety at risk. For example, a hospital cannot force one patient to donate an organ to another. The Red Cross cannot force anyone to give blood. The government cannot force anyone to donate bone marrow, even though doing so causes no harm to the donor and would save countless lives.

Obvious, but overlooked fact #3B:
We have laws in this country protecting people's right to control their own bodies, even after death. Organs are never taken out of a dead body without the clear, explicit permission of the deceased to do so. Meaning, even after all risk is gone to the donor, (HELLO, THEY ARE ALREADY DEAD,) we still do not force people to give any part of their bodies over to save someone else. Even if that means the difference between life and death for the other person.

Obvious, but overlooked fact #4:
If we take away a woman's right to abortion:
If we force women to carry fetuses against their will:
If this country forces women to donate their entire bodies to the development and health of another human being:
If women are forced into a medical condition that could still, conceivably, kill them:
Then that would mean that America gives more rights to corpses than it does to the women of this country.

Chocolate high, sugar low

2005-10-31T16:20:00.000-08:00

I have a huge post running in my head right now about abortion, but it means nothing unless I actually write it down, which I am too sluggish to do right now because I am eating all my Halloween candy, goddamnit. So there you go. In about five months I will give birth to a baby made up mostly of chocolate, high on cocoa caffeine. Blah.

So, for your enjoyment, and because I'm so sluggish (read lazy), some links!

For your Halloween enjoyment: Oddtodd's new special.
Persephone just got some good news, go say congrats.
New abortion study out, which I'm not sure what to make of, but again, that would go with the abortion post in my head.

Oh, and by the way, to R., the stupid ass moron who was so obnoxious to my sister: May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits! May swarms of locusts take refuge in your butt crack! May your clothes itch you and your underwear give you wedgies from now until you repent!

My normal

2005-10-30T10:29:00.000-08:00

Sunday, and the beginning of a "normal" week. Luiz will go to work, the kids will go to school...no days off, no holidays.

Luiz is at the airport right now to get his mom on the plane. After two weeks, she's on her way back home to Brazil.

I'm actually feeling somewhat, I don't know, not sad, but down, somehow. It was definitely a break from routine to have Luiz's mom here. She made life more interesting, that's for sure. I know Luiz filtered a lot of what she said, and I know he was going crazy taking her shopping everywhere, all the time. But she really is quite a character, and the kids got to know their grandmother.

For people who live around family, it's very hard to describe to them what it's like not to have family around. To have your nearest relative live thousands of miles away. To only see your family a few times a year, at best. People who live around family complain about fights, or who gave/got the nicer gift, or whose turn it is to pitch in for dinner--but they don't understand that I would love to have problems like that, if it meant that my kids could see their family, any other family member, more than two or three times a year. I would love for my kids to be able to get together with their grandparents and aunts and uncles and cousins every week if they wanted to, and know what it really means to belong to an extended family. And call me selfish, but I would love to have someone I could rely on to be there for me if I really needed help in the middle of the night. Friends offer to help, and offer to be there when you need them, but it's not the same as family. Maybe it is for other people, but it's not the same for me.

In other news, I am very disturbed by how little attention the media is giving Iran's president's call for the destruction of Israel. So far, I have not seen a single mention of it on either Fox or CNN. Why are the big American newscasters ignoring Iran's incitement? Somehow, I highly doubt that if there was a big rally in Israel, calling for the destruction of any Arab nation, that the whole situation would be totally ignored by the general media. But that's what I'm seeing in this case. Why is that? Why is a nation's president calling for the destruction of the Jewish state not newsworthy?

In lighter news, check this "Boondocks" comic strip about Harriet Miers. It's very funny.

No spiffy title to speak of

2005-10-28T08:35:00.000-07:00

It looks like someone out there is listening to me. Less than 24 hours after I state my distaste for Harriet Miers, she withdraws. Cool.

I'll tell you, though, it actually surprised me how many conservatives went against her. I mean, here's a woman who totally anti-abortion, faith based, probably thinks she has a DSL line straight to God. I thought she would be a shoe-in for them. But apparently, a lot of them actually questioned her 'conservative values.' Go figure.

Things in Iran are heating up: the president is staging rallies calling for the destruction of Israel. Everybody is condemning his remarks, which is a good start....But why is Iran still a member of the U.N.? Why isn't the U.S. or the E.U. going after their nuclear program?

In happier, totally awesome news, Star Wars Episode 3 comes out on DVD in a couple days. I'm hoping some of the "deleted scenes" will include more footage of Anakin as Darth Vader. In my opinion, that ten seconds of Vader time at the end of Episode 3 was totally not enough.

My mom-in-law leaves on Sunday. Next week should be waaaayyy more normal around here. Whatever normal is.

With the kids looking over my shoulder

2005-10-26T18:46:00.000-07:00

Have we had enough of the holiday-shabbat-holiday-shabbot-another freakin holiday-ANOTHER SHABBAT, DEAR GOD cycle yet? Cause I know I have! The kids have school tomorrow! For two whole freakin days! Wheee!

Let's see, what's to bring up? Iran still wants Israel gone, but that's same ole', same ole', isn't it? There was another suicide bombing inside Israel, more innocent people getting killed "in retaliation," so the Palestinian terrorists claim. In retaliation for what? For Israel trying to defend herself? For their being crazy suicidal people in the world? Cause they don't like the weather? What? Oh! I know! Cause they don't like Harriet Miers! Well, neither do I.

In other news, I have suddenly become FAT. I could say that I'm not fat, I'm just pregnant, and that the baby's started to "show" more. It has nothing to do with all the chocolate I've been eating, oh no. Of course, this would only make sense if I was carrying the baby on my BUTT. But I'm not, so it's a pretty safe bet that the lumps growing on my butt cheeks has nothing to do with the baby. Unfortunately.

And in other news, does no one else think that this is pretty goddawful morbid?

Why we are not the same

2005-10-23T14:41:00.000-07:00

When the Disengagement was going on a while ago, some of the settlers and protesters were condemned for involving their children in the protest. They brought their children to rallies, had them talk to soldiers, etc.

I thought it was ridiculous that, out of all the things to focus on about the Disengagement, they would choose to focus on something to put down their own people. It was as if they were ignoring why Israel was going about it, (to separate from a neighboring people who want Jews dead, HELLO,) or how, (by kicking families out of their homes with no where to go and no jobs to fall back on,) and instead centering on how the settlers are! being! so! inappropriate!

They were behaving exactly like the Palestinians do! They were "using" their children in the fight! And if they were behaving exactly like the Palestinians, why should we, the people whose lives were basically completely unaffected by the Disengagment, pick one side over another!

Well, here's why: because bringing your kids to a rally is not the same as recruiting them to be suicide bombers. Because getting your kids "involved" is not the same as expecting them to kill innocent civilians, "for the cause."

Because, in the end, those families got their kids out of there, instead of hiding bombs in their pants.

Time to Vote

2005-10-21T12:07:00.000-07:00

If you happen to live in California, you probably know by now that we have, thanks to our Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger, a special elections coming up.

One of the initiatives on the ballet is Prop 73. Basically, it requires a minor (under the age of 18) girl to notify her parents before she gets an abortion. You can read a short summary of it here. You can read why YOU SHOULD VOTE NO ON IT here.

Of course, this initiative is backed by a whole bunch of anti-choice, anti-abortion, run of the mill anti-woman groups. They claim that it will somehow help these girls. How? Why? They can't answer those questions.

Their main argument is that, if a minor needs permission for something as simple as an asprin, why should she be able to have an abortion without notifying her parents?

To which I ask: when was the last time a father beat his kid for needing an asprin?

The death of a good woman...now updated

2005-10-20T09:19:00.000-07:00

I just read that Michelle (Daman) Wasserman has passed away. I didn't really know her that well, myself; I mainly knew her through others, in my high school years. She was my sister's friend first, then later, her brother dated my best friend for over a year (that's a long time in high school). I knew she was vivacious, kind, and a social animal. She was well liked.

It was shocking to read that she died yesterday, from breast cancer that spread to her liver. She was only 33. She had two young children, ages 3 and 5. I don't know....I'm just in complete shock right now.

You know, for the past two days of Sukkot, I've been thinking what I should post about, and I had all these topics in my head....Political stuff mostly, a few topics pertaining to recent news. But none of that stuff seems important right now. Another woman from my past is dead.

My family is planning for a new baby, complaining about how much vacation time the kids are having from school, thinking about birthday parties and family visits and what to have for dinner...and her family is planning a funeral.

I am so sorry for her family. I am so sorry that a person who touched so many lives is gone from this world.

I guess that's all worth talking about for now.

UPDATE:
I guess a lot of other people are having a crappy week. Sheesh, what's going on?

The four questions

2005-10-17T09:52:00.000-07:00

7 things I can do:

1. Color my own hair.
2. Make a good Yerushalmi Kugel (and THIS IS PROGRESS, PEOPLE).
3. Drive my husband crazy.
4. Win a good argument.
5. Finish a 1,000 page book in one night.
6. Clean my house to the satisfaction of my mother-in-law (if I am so inclined).
7. Cheer up my sister when she is down (I am very proud of this one).

7 things I can't do:

1. Figure out how to underline things in my blog (I can only make them bold).
2. Give up my hang-up about punctuality.
3. Do the dishes without grumbling about it (seriously, I'd rather clean up a vomit-covered bathroom than have to do the dishes).
4. Braid my own hair.
5. Give up my pro-choice opinions.
6. Give up my pro-Israel opinions.
7. Get weak in my political and religious beliefs.

7 things I hope to do in my life:

1. Write a good book.
2. Be a good mom, to the point that someday my kids grow up and tell me I was a good mom.
3. Be a good wife.
4. Have an actual paying career job.
5. Learn how to cook other amazing dishes, besides a Yerushalmi Kugel (but it's STILL PROGRESS).
6. Learn to speak another language really well.
7. Get people to comment on my blog.

7 celebrity crushes (this is only if I consider their bodies, and not their characters):

1. Gale Harold
2. Brad Pitt
3. Stuart Townsend
4. Orlando Bloom
5. Gale Harold
6. Christian Slater
7. Gale Harold

Tests

2005-10-16T17:52:00.000-07:00

Both my mom, and Luiz's mom, don't quite seem to understand that we don't know yet if I'm carrying a boy or girl.

My mom casually mentioned to me yesterday an article she read in the paper, about a new blood test a woman can take anytime after her fifth week of pregnancy which can tell whether she's having a boy or a girl. I thought she was joking me, or read some sort of scam article.

Then I googled it, and found it myself.

According to the article, the test is actually a take-it-youself-at-home kind of deal. A woman sends for the kit, pricks her finger, and sends back the blood drops. The company is able to collect the fetus's DNA from the mother's, and do the genetic tests necessary to tell if it's a boy or a girl.

Now here's something the article questioned, and which I question even more: if the company can do genetic testing to see if it's a boy or a girl, why can't they offer to do other, more medically necessary tests? Like, check for Down's, or other trisomy disorders, or any genetic abnormality that might actually be detrimental to the health of the baby, which, by the way, does not include it's sex?

This could hypothetically eliminate the need for so many late term abortions. A woman usually finds out about these genetic problems only after an amnio is done, at around 17 weeks. In other words, 12 weeks later.

The article pointed out that many people might actually use this test as a method for sex selection. God, I hope not. It has so many potential benefits, but if people start abusing it, the pro-life people will try to get it banned, for sure.

******
In other news: My mother in law arrived today from Brazil. She's visiting for two weeks. She doesn't understand a word of English.

It should be an interesting two weeks.

I've worked out a system with my family that if they call, and I say "the weather is good," that means that everything is still going smoothly and all is well; if I say "the weather is bad," that means that things have started to go down the tubes, for one reason or another.

Expect some interesting weather in my part of the world. And probably more sporatic posts.

When the Reporter becomes the News

2005-10-14T09:18:00.000-07:00

Dion Nissenbaum, up until recently a reporter for the San Jose Mercury News, is the author of many articles about the situation in the Middle East. Specifically, he has covered a lot of stories about Israel and the Palestinians. I have always been angered, though, at how his pieces never seem to be completely impartial--they always slant toward the side of the Palestinians. You can read a short blurb about him here.

He's the author of that article from the Jewish News I ranted about in a previous post. He wrote another article last year which seems to imply that Israeli soldiers enjoy killing Palestinian children. He has written many articles about the disengagment, all sympathetic towards the Palestinian side, even when it came to desecrating a synagogue.

Last week, Dion Nissenbaum became the news when he was kidnapped by Palestinian Gunmen. Apparently, he was driving along with a group of people, including his camera guy, probably looking for more stories to make the Israelis look bad, when he was stopped and taken as a hostage. He was later released, unharmed, thank God.

You would think that, after being kidnapped, he would have something negative to say about his Palestinian kidnappers, but no! This is what he had to say:

"They brought in food, big plates of rice....They treated us very well."

I'm so happy that, after being held at gunpoint by Palestinian terrorists for hours, he can still find something positive to say about them. Isn't that just so freaking generous?

I doubt, though, that things would have gone so smoothly for him, if he had been an Israeli reporter for Haaretz. You think?

And may the kids not drive us crazy

2005-10-12T09:09:00.000-07:00

Tonight starts Yom Kippur, the "holiest" day of the Jewish year. Time to clean out the closets of our souls.

To those who are fasting, have an easy fast (but not too easy, I guess. That would defeat the purpose).

To those who are going to shul, have a nice walk, and a comfy seat. I hope you didn't have to pay more than what was fair.

To those who are celebrating Yom Kippur in their own, personal ways, have a meaningful day!

This is for you, Sarah

2005-10-11T15:09:00.000-07:00

Tom Cruise, Brad Pitt, Orlando Bloom, Gale Harold (yum! should have put him first), David Boreanaz, Madonna, Angelina Jolie, Oprah, Anne Rice, J.K. Rowling, Anne Moss, Ashton Kutcher, Demi Moore, Tom Welling, Ariel Sharon....

Will that do?

Welcome the morons

2005-10-11T11:06:00.000-07:00

A few things to get straight:

1. I am not just pro-choice. I am, in certain situations, pro-abortion. Yep, totally radical. I think that if a pregnant mother's life is at risk, her doctor should advise her to have an abortion; I think that if she is carrying a child that will die soon after birth, she should be advised to have an abortion. I believe that it does, unfortunately, happen that abortion becomes the best option.

So if you are telling me about a woman who found out that she is carrying a fetus that will be born seriously deformed, will require countless surgeries, live in horrific agony and only for a few years (that's if the surgeries go well), do not tell me how unselfish and great this woman is, because I will think you are a moron.

2. I am in my sixteenth week of pregnancy. That's no secret. So if I relay to you how a mutual friend warned me not to tell anyone of my pregnancy until I'm well into my fifth month, because she personally knows two women who lost their fetuses in the fourth month, do not berate this mutual friend for ten minutes for scaring me unnecessarily, and then tell me about your cousin who's baby died in utero at 39 weeks. Because I will think you are a moron.

3. If you are a big Rabbi with a lot of listeners, do not announce to a crowd of people that feminists make too much of the Aguna issue, after all, "it effects such a small portion of the community, people really make too much of it." Because I will not care that you are a big Rabbi; I will still argue with you, and think you are a moron.

4. If you are commenting on someone else's blog, and sign as anon, and you are responding to something I said in the comments section, do not put my name in quotations, as if I have somehow lied about my name. Especially when, with a click of a button, you can find my email address and website. Because I will think you are a moron.

5. If you think I would rather be cleaning out my fridge and getting ready for my mother-in-law's upcoming visit instead of writing in this blog, then you are a moron.

But I really have to clean out my fridge, so I'll continue this later.

Lulavs come from Egypt; Did you know that?

2005-10-10T09:39:00.000-07:00

Sukkot is coming up fast, and I, like many, ordered a lulav and etrog through my kids' school.

Last week I received this email:
"Due to the exploration of the lulav market by Egypt, the costs of lulavim have risen...."

What? What?? The email went on to say that I would have to either pay more money for the lulav, or ask for a refund of my check. All I could think was, what does Egypt have to do with lulavim?

After having a chat with my sister, I found the full news story here. Apparently, most of our lulavim come from Egypt! And now Egypt has closed the market!

So now I'm thinking: why would Jews around the world rely on Egypt, of all places, to supply us with something so vital that is necessary to perform an important mitzvah?

ClooJew, lulei demistafina

2005-10-09T16:04:00.000-07:00

There's this guy, "ClooJew," who comments on a lot of the blogs I read. (Now that I think about it, I think he's actually commented on my blog.) And he always peppers his comments with this phrase, "lulei demistafina."

A lot of the stuff he writes I totally disagree with. But he's entitled to his opinion, even if it is completely wrong, of course.

But the "lulei demistafina"s started getting on my nerves. I started thinking, who is this guy? What's with the "lulei demistafina"s??

So I did some research, and here's the kicker: He has his own blog! Which is named? Lulei Demistafina!

So now I have to hand it to this guy. He sticks to his guns. He's out there.

Here's to you, ClooJew!

Jewish World Review gets it wrong

2005-10-08T18:08:00.000-07:00

There was a very disturbing article in our major newspaper about a new phenomenon, "Palestinian Rap." I couldn't link to the article through the newspaper, cause you have to register, but I found what I think is the same article here, in Jewish World Review of all places.

What I found disturbing about the article was that there was nothing negative noted about the rap lyrics at all. No words to the effect of, "they incite hate," or, "they are totally anti-semitic," or even, "they hate Jews." No, what they wrote was:

Palestinian rappers such as Nafar take a provocative, controversial approach...."The idea is to provoke critical thinking and encourage people to look at these issues from the perspective of the victims," says William Youmans, a Palestinian-American rapper who performs as the Iron Sheik.

I see. They are the victims. They hide bombs in ambulances, blow up children, kill pregnant women out of spite and hatred--but they are the victims.

Here are some examples of the lyrics; judge for yourselves.

Jewish roads, schools and hospitals/These are the seeds of '48....
They should know better...Then to move onto our lands as a settler...
YO AIPAC! Come check my status! I'm acrobatic and emphatic when attacking Zionists...
Let me out now or I'll resort to terrorism

Oh, yes, this the language of the victims. Don't you just love their call to halt the violence? Aren't you so moved by their demands for peace? John Lennon, anyone? Is this the perspective they are trying ot spread?

And the best word they could find for it was "provocative"?

Two Hundred Dollar Privacy

2005-10-07T09:25:00.000-07:00

I'm wearing my first pair of maternity pants today. At barely 15 weeks, I'm getting into that ridiculous period when my regular clothes don't fit, but maternity clothes look popostrous.

You would think, though, that after having two kids, born in opposite seasons of the year, that I would have tons of maternity clothes, no? But I don't. A lot of the nice stuff, I actually gave away (more like lent away and never got back, or got back in such bad condition that I had to throw it away).

So when I went through my maternity clothes last week, I realized that all I had left were a few nice shirts, and piles of clothes that I couldn't imagine myself wearing ever, at all. I mean, seriously, did I ever wear a huge flowery tent shirt with a big bow in front? Did I really buy that? And there was only one pair of good pants in the bunch. One. How did that happen?

So anyway, yesterday I drove over to the local mall that has three (!) maternity stores. The first one I went into was very nice, and I tried on a few pairs of jeans, but I wasn't that excited about any of them, so I told the salesgirl to hold them for me in case I couldn't find anything better.

The second store didn't have a single salesperson inside that could help me. Seriously? If you want customers to buy your products, have the salespeople know something about them. Like, what their sizes mean. Cause having one pair of pants being sized "2A" and another being sized "4BR" doesn't tell me anything. It clearly didn't tell them anything, either.

But the third store--Pea in the Pod--I had a good kick in that store. It was clearly designed for tall, thin, rich pregnant women. In othe words, not me. No how, no way. When I told the saleslady I was looking for jeans, she showed me over to a rack full of pants--starting at $175.00. I told her, "lady, I have two small kids at home. Forget the designer stuff--think ketchup stains." With a distaining wave of her hand, she replied, "you can go look at the clearance rack," and walked away.

I actually did find a pair of pants worth trying on. They were fifty bucks, more than what I wanted to pay, but I thought, if I love them, then maybe it's worth the money. I asked the salegirl with the wispy distaining fingers where the fitting rooms were--and she showed me a cubicle. With a curtain. No doors.

I said (very loudly) "You expect me to buy pants for two hundred bucks, and you can't put doors on your fitting rooms?"

I handed her the pants, walked out, and went back to the first store I had gone to. Suddenly, the $25.00 pants that basically fit me seemed just fine.

So that's what I'm wearing today. And you know what? They really are comfortable pants. And I got to try them on behind a door.

Compare the differences

2005-10-06T09:51:00.000-07:00

Two people are charged with spying on the U.S. One is charged with spying for the Philippines. The other is charged with spying for Israel. Who do you think will get a harsher sentence?

Rosh Hashanna was very nice, by the way. I? Made a Kugel! Which came out amazing! Feeling pretty smug right now.

Can't wait to see what Grrl has up her sleeve....

We begin anew

2005-10-03T09:09:00.000-07:00

Happy New Year Everybody!
Shanna Tova L'Coolam!

I am actually having company come over tonight to celebrate Rosh Hashannah. But don't worry! I'm not cooking everything! Most of the stuff I'm buying! So there will definitely be something edible on the table!

I just hope the fish head doesn't make everything else smell bad.

So maybe abortion won't be his first case after all

2005-10-02T20:05:00.000-07:00

Gonzales v. Oregon

As most people know, Oregon has a now-famous law, aptly called "Oregon's law," which allows for physician assisted suicide. Patients who are deemed mentally competent, and fatally ill, can ask their doctors for a lethal dose of narcotics to take in the privacy of their own homes, in the setting of their choosing. In short, they can control the manner of their own deaths.

But the law had another side effect: it actually started prolonging and enriching people's lives. By giving doctors freedom to prescribe large doses of pain medication, without fear of criminal prosecution, patients are able to live the last weeks and months of their lives pain free, doing all the things they want to get done before their lives come to an end.

See, under the Controlled Substances Act, the U.S. Government has the right to control how much pain medication doctors prescribe to their patients. Many times, doctors are too scared of being charged with a crime to prescribe enough pain medication to completely alleviate their patients' pain.

In many cases, it's unnoticed and unreported. Patients who undergo surgery, or suffer trauma, assume that horrible pain is just an expected after-effect, to be suffered through and then forgotten. For those who are chronically ill, pain becomes a part of life, something to deal with as best as one can. Doctors prescribe the lowest dose of pain medication that they can, and only increase it if their patients beg for it, because they don't want to get sued. Many doctors tell their patients straight out, "you'll have to suffer a bit. That's life."

But it doesn't have to be that way. With all the knowledge and technology at our disposal, doctors have numerous ways of allowing their patients to live pain free. But they don't, because they are afraid. Oregon's law erased that fear for doctors in that state, and patients benefit because of it.

Now John Roberts has joined the Supreme Court, and this case is about to come up again. He has said that he respects people's privacy, but soon we'll know. Is it the Government's job to decide how much pain people must endure before they die? When it comes to the terminally ill, shouldn't quality of life be a factor?

Welcome to a new era...or maybe welcome back

2005-09-30T11:53:00.000-07:00

I guess now that John Roberts has been sworn in, the Bush lawyers won't be working as hard.

I only have one question: Does anyone out there really think that this guy is not going to support overturning Roe v. Wade? Seriously? Are people out there really that naive?

Are we going to go back to the sixties now, with women getting secret, dangerous, scarring, and sometimes fatal abortions? I know that many people think that we could never go back to living like that, just like people think that the Holocaust could never happen again. But if the Supreme Court opens the door for entire states to ban all abortions, how can history not repeat itself?

Okay, that was more than one question. But I'm mad. I'm mad that this has happened, and I'm mad that the women of this country allowed this to happen. I'm mad that our senators' phones weren't ringing off the hook from women calling in, telling them to vote NO on Roberts. I'm mad that this country is so apathetic.

By the way, if you are helping your kid with a school project, and need to find images on the computer of things starting with the letter "C," and search Yahoo images for the word "candy," cover up the screen. Cause you'll get a lot of pictures of prostitutes.

Costs of running a school

2005-09-29T08:53:00.000-07:00

I've been helping out at my kids' school again this week, making phone calls for their annual "donations drive." They don't call it that, but that's what it is. Basically, they send a nice-looking pamphlet to all the families, showing how much the school spends on what, and how much money comes into the school via tuition and community donations, and how much the school will need the attending families to 'pitch in' to keep the school running. They include, in this pamphlet, a return envelope to send back a donation check. The school asks that each family donates as much as they can, but they suggest $1000.00.

This is what disturbs me. The school states that tuition covers only 80% of what it costs them to "run" the school. They make up the rest through fundraisers, the donation drives, etc.

But when you look at where the money goes, over 10% of tuition, almost 11%, goes to financial aid. Apparently, 37% of the families in the upper grades are not paying the full cost of tuition.

So here's the real math: Tuition, in fact, covers over 90% of what it costs to run the school. The other 9% would be well covered by their annual fundraisers, as well as community donations. So what this annual donation drive is paying for, in effect, is for all the kids who attend the school for less than what I'm paying.

We pay full tuition for our two kids to go to this school. That's over $2000 bucks a month. And now, the way I see it, they're asking me to give an extra $1000 dollars so that someone else's kid can go to the school without paying as much as my family does.

A big part of me realizes that every Jewish school on the planet is probably spending something on financial aid. It starts looking really bad when Jewish schools start turning away students, kids who really want a good Jewish education, simply because there are no funds for it.

But for the school to claim that tuition covers only 80% of the "costs" of "running" the school--this is, in my mind, a lie. Allowing 37% of the upper school's student body to attend school without paying full tuition is a choice, not a "cost." If the school really needs money as badly as they want the families to believe, then why aren't all the families paying the same amount in the first place?

I guess this issue is really hitting home to us now that we are expecting a third child. I don't know if we'll be able to continue sending our kids to a Jewish school--we will certainly do our best, cutting out whatever we can from our budget to make that happen--but it still may not be possible. But having a third child was a choice for us. Sure, finding out I'm pregnant was a total surprise for me, but the bottom line is, we left ourselves open to the possibility that a "surprise" could happen. No type of birth control is fool-proof. For the past five years, I could have told my husband to get his tubes cut--or I could have had the surgery. But we didn't go that route, because the bottom line was, we weren't sure that we would never want another kid. And now we don't have to wonder about being "sure" anymore. (You bet, after this kid, I am getting my tubes cut. Oh yeah.)

Would it be fair to ask other families to pay for our kids to go to school? God-willing, when this kid is ready to start school, do I have the right to ask for financial aid, knowing that it was my choice to bring the child into this world without a way to pay for private school? I don't know. I think some would actually say that I don't have a right not to--that every Jewish child deserves a Jewish education, and it's the Jewish community's obligation to make that happen, by donating time and funds.

By the way, we did give a donation to the school for their annual drive. Not $1000 bucks--we couldn't afford that--but we gave what we could. I may use this blog to vent my selfish, greedy side, but when it counts, I am happy to say that my giving, gracious side usually wins. My selfish self sure can grumble, though.

UPDATE: I figured out how to delete comments! No more penis enlargement ads! So they're back!

Bush Lawyers Trying to Save Me

2005-09-27T09:28:00.000-07:00

While reading the paper this morning, I found a tiny article about Bush's lawyers trying to get "partial-birth abortion" banned again. The article starts with:

Bush administration lawyers asked the Supreme Court on Monday to reinstate the first federal law banning a late-term abortion procedure, arguing that what critics call a "partial-birth" abortion should be outlawed because it is gruesome and is "never medically indicated" as a safer surgical procedure.

You can find the article here.

In other words, they are claiming that women never find out in the third trimester that their fetus has a fatal defect; they never suddenly become so ill that they must terminate the pregnancy, or die; they are never told, "we can't save the baby, but we must do this procedure, so we can save you." Because, the (all male, I'm sure) lawyers are claiming, the procedure is "never medically indicated."

Obviously they've never bothered reading up on women like this.

What makes me even more mad is that the newspaper article was all the way in the back on the front section, tiny, surrounded by ads. Like they put it in as an afterthought. Like this isn't important.

I'm pregnant. I have two healthy boys. God willing, I will have a third healthy child. I hope to God I never have to be in that kind of situation, where I even have to contemplate this done to me. But you know what? If I needed this procedure, as horrible as it is, I damn well would not want a freaking politician telling me it's "never medically indicated."

So, Bush lawyers, shut up and go away.

First, the Fetus

2005-09-26T13:16:00.000-07:00

I am in my fourteenth week of pregnancy now. The fetus has a head, two arms and hands, two legs and feet, and (I PRAY) all the organs and parts it needs to grow into a healthy human being. I have another ultrasound, today, which will be my fourth one. Already I have had more ultrasounds with this pregnancy than I did with my other two boys. And I'm barely out of the first trimester!

Today's ultrasound is for an "Ultra Screen." : It's done instead of the AFP test, and can tell me the chances that the fetus has a trisomy disorder. Unlike AFP, though, it's 85% accurate, as opposed to the 60% accuracy rate of the AFP. Plus, I can do it now, and not wait until I'm seventeen weeks along. Plus, I get to have another ultrasound, which is always fun. I don't know why more women don't do this test, and why it's not more widely known.

Since I am only in my fourteenth week, I doubt that they'll be able to see if it's a boy or a girl. I'll have to wait for the "big" ultrasound at nineteen weeks for that.

As an end note: I tried to clean up the comments, really I did, but Blogger kept messing me up. And since I don't want anyone linking to "penis enlargement" sites in the comments, or anything unsavory like that, I've shut them down for now. But I've already gotten a few well-wishing emails, so thank you!!

News You Can Use

2005-09-26T10:09:00.000-07:00

So! I come back from a LOOOOONNNGG break from this blog, and find that some people have hijacked it! I go on vacation, and people break into my house!! So, I'm posting this now, but rest assured, after this goes up I'm going to be CLEANING HOUSE.

A few things:
1. In case you got here via my sister, over at http://www.chayyeisarah.blogspot.com/, thank you! And yes, I am pregnant! Three months along, around. I'm still getting used to the idea. Will post more on that later, I think.

2. In case you are here via someone else's blog whom I will NOT be linking to, but left some comments on, thank you also. It's nice to know I made such an impact on your life. More on that to follow, also, because, Goddamit, I am so peaved.

I'm going to go clean up the comments now (hee hee), but I'll be back.

Radio business

2005-04-12T09:02:00.000-07:00

I got on the radio this morning. Yoo hoo!!

One of the stations here was talking about some list of the best looking guys, and who was on it. And can you guess who WASN'T on it? GALE HAROLD! So I called up the radio station and complained, and they put me on, and I was like, "you need to make your own list, and it has to have GALE HAROLD on it! And Tom Cruise as maybe a two, but only maybe! Cause Gale is the best looking guy ever!" And they put me on to say that.

Just spreading the marvel of Gale around.

Listening

2005-04-01T17:57:00.000-08:00

The boys are in Nate's room, with the door closed, having a very heated argument. I never know in these kinds of situations when I should intervene or not. Most of the time I don't, until someone starts screaming like they're hurt/beyond frustrated/trying to get out of the situation and can't.

Sometimes the best thing you can teach your kid is how to walk away. And believe me, they need to be taught how to do that.

A few things

2005-04-01T08:45:00.000-08:00

The shower enclosure has been installed. The installer came yesterday, about an hour after they told me he would, but oh well. I got a little bit worried when he asked me if I have an adapter for a three-prong outlet, cause he needed to use a tool that went in a three-prong outlet and my upstairs rooms don't have any like that. When I said no (why would he assume that everyone has a three prong outlet and/or an adapter? Why don't these guys carry around adapters?) he said "oh, okay, I'll have to figure something out," but he said it in a way that made me think he wouldn't bother figuring anything out, he'd just tell me he can't do the job cause I don't have an adapter and leave. But I was wrong, he rummaged around his truck and found a really long extension cord, and used it to plug in the tool upstairs to an outlet downstairs. So everything worked out, after all.

The shower looks really nice--but it SMELLS SO BAD!! They use a glue-type compound to attach everything together, and it smells like rotten mayo until it dries, which takes about 48 hours.

The only thing left to do with the bathrooms is the paint job. This is my prophecy: Luiz will keep saying "we'll do it, we'll do it, just not this weekend, cause of X,Y, and Z, we'll get the paint job done next weekend," and then months will go by and no paint job until one day he'll finally realize that we are never going to manage to paint the bathrooms ourselves and tell me to go ahead and hire a painter.

I could be wrong. I'm hoping I'm wrong.

___________________________________________

I'm so sad about the whole Terri Schiavo situation. I think her "husband" just got away with murder, and there's nothing her family can do about it. And if you think he was just thinking about her wishes, try explaining this: why did he kick her parents out of the room as she was dying? If it was all about what Terri would want, wouldn't Terri have wanted her mom there, holding her hand, as she passed on? Pure bastard, Michael is.

___________________________________________

Got another "what not to say to a Full Time Mom" today. I put on a spring outfit this morning, not a new one but one I haven't worn for months cause, obviously, it's a spring outfit. I thought I looked pretty nice in it, you know, pretty attractive and put-together.

Had to stop in the school office to ask a couple questions, and one of the dads there said, "you look so nice, are you going somewhere today?" I told him no, I was just going home after dropping off the kids. He said "but why bother dressing up if you're just doing stuff at home? I know you stay-at-home-moms like to wear sweatpants all day. You'll probably just change back into sweatpants when you get home, right?" Then he laughed.

People, do not go around telling SAHMs that they look nice if you're just going to ruin the complement by spitting out this kind of garbage about them wearing sweats all day. We do not wear sweats all day. We get dressed up to look nice, just like other women.

Update on Luiz

2005-03-30T11:17:00.000-08:00

No surprises here. He's on Zithromax.

My thoughts on Terri

2005-03-29T18:59:00.000-08:00

I got my Newsweek in the mail today, and there was a rather long article in it about the Terri Schiavo case. What struck me about the article was that it was written as if Terri was already dead. Now, Newsweek has to write these articles a couple days, at least, before publication, right? So I'm thinking that when the journalist wrote the article, he probably assumed that, by the time the magazine came out on newstands and got sent out to homes, Terri would already be dead. But she's not. And that article, to me, was totally inappropriate. Because she is not dead yet. She is not gone yet.

I am very pro-choice. In fact, in some cases, I am pro-abortion. I guess that makes me what some term a "radical liberal." But in this case, I'm standing on the side of Terri's parents, as horrid as they make that side out to be.

Terri's parents are totally extreme in their opinions on their daughter's care and her "right to life." They claim that Terri never said that she wouldn't want to be kept alive artificially; but they also say that, even if she had ever said such a thing, they would not honor her wishes. They would still keep her alive, at all costs and quality of life, no matter what her wishes might have been. This totally blows their claims on what Terri did or didn't want, in my opinion. Because if they would keep her alive at all cost, whether she would want it or not, then they're not going to admit it if she said that's not what she wanted, would they? Because then they wouldn't have a legal leg to stand on.

But here's the thing: they love their daughter. They believe that she is responding to them. What if the doctors are wrong? What if she's not a vegetable? It's not like doctors haven't been wrong about these things before, is it? What if, through new discoveries in medicine, twenty years down the road the doctors say "maybe she was more aware than we thought"? I don't care how many doctors say she's a vegetable. How many people out there have suffered from some weird horrible illness, and went to dozens of doctors, getting the wrong diagnosis, before finally getting the one doc who knew what was really going on? What if the one doc who said that Terri's not a vegetable is the right one, and everyone else is wrong?

And if she is a vegetable, then what? Is she really going to care if she is kept alive or not? If she is aware of nothing, not even her own existance, then what difference does it make to anyone else to keep her alive? Her parents care. They think she is responding to them, and they love her. Terri's husband has already moved on, had kids with another woman. Why does he need her dead? Is she some kind of loose thread to wrap up?

I guess the question is, if she is so out of it that she is aware of nothing, then what harm does it do anyone to keep her alive?

Another question is, if she is doomed to die, does she have to starve to death, for God's sake? Can't someone just put her out of her misery? Dogs get put down in more humane ways. Does Terri deserve a more gruesome death than a dog?

Don't cough on me, please (ha! ha!)

2005-03-29T14:37:00.000-08:00

I know I haven't blogged for a while. I took a break. A long break. A vacation. So now I'm back, we'll see if it lasts.

Ilan had bad, bad lungs last week, and I had Strep. House went to hell, no food in the fridge, etc, etc. Luiz had to come home from a Florida business trip to take care of us, which was royally bad. It was an important business trip, and he had to bail, and tell everyone why he had to leave early. You know, while everyone says "family should always come first," and "men should be fathers to their children," people in the business world still don't like it when guys have to take off to take care of their families. I read in a magazine a while ago that if men need to take off work to take care of their kids, they should always lie to their bosses and say it's them that's sick, not their kids. Taking off time for themselves is okay, taking time off for their kids is not. Just another example of how Americans live by false cliches. "Men should make fatherhood their number one priority" is up there with "motherhood is a very respected profession."

Ilan got better on Zithromax, and went back to school. I got better on some other kind of antibiotic, I forget which now, and got back to the housework.

Now Nathan is sick with a lung infection. I took him to the doctor a few days after he started coughing, I didn't wait a week like I did with Ilan. I was so sure Ilan wasn't that sick, I thought I would take him to the doctor and the doc would say, "it's just a lingering cough, give him Triaminic," and that would be it. When she said he had pneumonia, I felt horrible. HORRIBLE. I had totally not taken his coughing seriously. So with Nate, even though he had no fever, even though he had no cold symptoms and was acting perfectly normal (except for the cough), I took him to the doctor. The doctor listened to his lungs and said he has a "bad right lung" and it's "good we caught it early." And promptly put him on Zithromax.

Apparently, Zithromax is a very powerful antibiotic. When I tell people my kids were/are on Zithromax, they ooh and ahh over it. Frankly, I like the Zithromax. You only have to give it once a day, and it's only for a few days, not for the usual ten. Plus, it tastes good, so it's not a hassle to get the kids to take it. Much better all around. Why do they save the good tasting stuff for the bad illnesses? Why can't all the antibiotics taste good?

Oh, and one more thing: now Luiz is sick. With what, you ask? With WHAT? With a COUGH, silly! WITH A HACKING DISGUSTING COUGH! And can we GUESS what he probably has? GEE! I might need a moment to think about this!
He has a doctor's appointment tomorrow. Maybe I should call the pharmacy now, and make sure they're stocked with Zithromax.

Sick

2005-03-14T10:30:00.000-08:00

Haven't written in a while cause I have strep and Ilan has pneumonia. Things bad over here. Will write again when things are better.

Rundown

2005-03-09T19:10:00.000-08:00

I haven't mentioned anything in a while about the bathrooms, mainly because there isn't much going on at the moment. We've decided to paint the bathrooms ourselves, but God knows when we'll actually get to that job. The shower enclosure guys told me they'd call "sometime in the next two weeks." So that's all that about stuff about that.

As promised, here's the rundown of what we've spent:

Plumber (including labor, materials, i.e. two toilets, one tub, one shower pan, sheetrock, etc., and hauling away old debris): $5,300.00
Tile (including preptime, backerboard, tile, and labor): $3,934.98
New medicine cabinet, towel racks, door handles, and all the hardware (like screws and studfinder): $200
Fixing the doors (they didn't close anymore cause the tile made the floor higher): $60
Shower Enclosure, plus installation (the price the guy gave me in the store, I haven't actually cut them a check yet): $578
Total: $10,072.98

I don't know how much painting the bathrooms will cost; I mean, it's not just about the material, is it? It's also about how much our time is worth to us. (But it was obviously cheaper than telling the painter to do the job, when he gave us an estimate of over $700 bucks. No. Freakin. Way.)

Once the enclosure is in and the bathrooms are painted (ha! ha!) the project is FINISHED. Which is good, cause so is our bank account.

Thank You's

2005-03-08T19:07:00.000-08:00

Thank you to Elizabeth, who has been visiting my mom almost everyday while she has been in the hospital.

Thank you to Craig, who has continually offered his help and his ear for venting.

Thank you to my sister, for...you know what for.
Thank you, Thank you, Thank you.

(This post has been edited by the blogger, me. Sorry, but it was deemed necessary.)

Sick Days

2005-03-08T08:34:00.001-08:00

My mom is not feeling so well. She is still in the hospital, so I guess the fact that she would not be feeling so well is pretty self-evident. She is getting enough medications to make her feel very confused and loopy, but not enough to put her totally out of things. She still gets shooting pains in her back, and her mouth and tongue and are all swollen. When she talks, her words sound all smooshy. She forgets things, and she knows that she forgets things, but it only makes her more anxious and scared.

Until now, my mom's friends and neighbors have been visiting her and keeping up with the docs and nurses. But it's not supposed to be their responsibility, is it? Which reminds me, I need to send them flowers. And chocolate.

It's Ilan's turn to be home sick with me. He has a bad cough, and a strong gag reflex. The two do not make a good combination.

In case you are googling this

2005-03-07T10:52:00.000-08:00

This post is for anyone living in the Silicon Valley area, who is looking into getting new tile. Here's a piece of advice:

"EXCLUSIVE TILE," LOCATED IN SAN JOSE, SUCKS. Do not buy your tile from them. I used them, and here's what I learned:

They did not include a lot of the job work in the original estimate. Like installing the baseboard and the T.P. holders.
They didn't bother measuring the second bathroom(!), and when they realized that it was bigger than they had assumed (WHY they would assume how big it was, I don't know), they charged me extra for the tile and labor.
They never, and I mean NEVER, showed up on time. Some days, they didn't bother coming at all.
They never called when they said they would. They also never bothered to call to tell me if they weren't going to show up, after they they had told me that they would.
Their sheetrock guy messed with the shower pan, didn't tell anyone, and caused a major water leak to my downstairs bathroom.

In other words, they were complete jerks, didn't get the job done in the time they said they would, almost caused major damage to my other bathroom, and for all that, charged me almost $1000.00 bucks more than they had said they would.

So, I say again, DO NOT SHOP AT EXCLUSIVE TILE IN SAN JOSE, CA. Cause they suck.

Sh(bleep) Day

2005-03-06T14:44:00.000-08:00

I've been hearing a lot of life-lessons about shit today. Today seems to be a shitty day.
Here's the one Craig gave me:
"There are three types of shit. There's the kind you create, there's the kind you step in, and there's the kind that falls on you."
I thought that that was pretty hysterical, and shared it with Luiz. He then told me his own moral shit story:
"It's a cold day. A bird flies down in a cow field, shivering. A cow comes over and says to the bird, 'what's wrong?' The bird, holding it's wings around itself, says 'I am sooo cold.' The cow says, 'I can help you.' He shits all over the bird. The bird, now covered in warm cow shit, is happy. He starts to sing, 'I am warm now, I am so happy,' warbling and tweaking. A cat comes by, hears the bird singing in the cow shit, pulls it out, and eats it."
Morals of the story:

1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy;
2. Not everyone who pulls you out of a pile of shit is your friend;
3. Not everything covered in shit is bad;
4. If you're covered in shit, keep your mouth shut.

Last Act

2005-03-04T19:46:00.000-08:00

It looks like Painter guy might be a no-show in this bathroom project play. We had one painter give us an estimate of $750, and another one at $855. Both numbers are more than what we're willing to spend. We thought that the paint job shouldn't be more than $400 bucks for the two bathrooms. I mean, these are not huge bathrooms, in fact the hallway bathroom is really small. So we're going to try to paint the bathrooms ourselves. The hardest part will be painting the cabinets, I'm thinking. They'll need to be sanded, then primed, and then painted. Not fun; but not worth paying hundreds of bucks for someone else to do. So that's that about all that.

My mom is having a hard time. She had another seizure, apparently, and this time she bit her tongue really hard and now it's bothering her a lot. I know it sounds mundane, but when you're in the hospital and you're worrying about getting your meds on time and whether or not the nurses are giving you the right meds in the first place, and the doctor never comes in to explain things to you or tell you what's going on in your own damn body, and no one bothers changing the sheets when you throw up, the last thing you need is a throbbing tongue. You know?

I had assumed that my father was on top of the situation. You know, he's in a different city and everything, but I thought he was at least doing everything he could over the phone, talking to her docs and nurses and finding out what the story is. But apparently not. My parents' neighbor from around the corner has been posing as my mom's "cousin" just to be able to act as her advocate and get information from the nurses. She has been calling me and keeping me updated. Luiz has been telling me not to assume that my dad is taking care of my mom's situation, and now I'm starting to think maybe he's right. But dammit, I shouldn't have to go over there and take care of things just because my dad has better things to do. That's supposed to be his job. I mean, if nothing changes and he doesn't go over there next weekend, I probably will, but I'll be pissed at him about it.

In complete different news, "Avatar: the Last Airbender" is an awesome show. Yes, I can still appreciate a good cartoon show. It's on Nick. Go watch it. Go! What are you still doing here!

I can do this cause it's my blog

2005-03-01T18:59:00.000-08:00

Craig,
I send you a GREAT, BIG, hug. And a smooch, too!!

Today as in Today

2005-03-01T13:56:00.000-08:00

Nate had a very very bad night. He kept coughing, his asthma was awful. I am so tired. Took him to the doc today, long story, that, but I'm too tired to tell it. Anyway, the doc tweaked his asthma meds, and hopefully that will help. I need sleep.

Today as in Yesterday

2005-02-28T18:02:00.000-08:00

I started writing this post yesterday, but didn't finish it, so I'm posting it today, but the date on it is still yesterday. Get it? So can I even try to describe to you what kind of day I had yesterday?

1. My dad called me in the morning. My mom, (who has a chronic illness,) had a seizure. The seizure lasted for about one and a half minutes. He couldn't tell me if she was okay, if having a seizure for that long means anything, if it was a stroke or something else...He could just tell me that she was being transfered from the rehab hospital where she was recovering, back to an acute care hospital for evaluation.
I started freaking out. I was so worried my mom was now a vegetable.

2. My dad called me back a few minutes later, and told me the seizure was not that big of a deal. My mom was able to call him on the phone, talk to him, and tell him she's okay. She was more worried about getting her meds than about the seizure.
I felt ill from all the adrenaline suddenly leaving my body.

3. I go to a meeting at school with Nate, and when I come home, I find the cleaning ladies cleaning up water in the downstairs bathroom that's been dripping down from the ceiling.
I freak out. Images of broken pipes and ripped out tile go through my head, giving me a headache.
I call the plumber, Francis, and Jorge, the head tile guy, and they both come over. It turned out that Jorge's assistant, Caesar, came over to put backerboard on the walls, and moved the showerpan by a couple inches. When he jarred the showerpan, the drain separated from the pipe below it. The cleaning ladies poured dirty water into the shower pan drain, and instead of the water going down the pipe, the water went into the floor and seeped through a light fixture in the downstairs bathroom.

4. Francis was able to fix the problem in about two seconds, by pulling the pipe over and up, so it met up with the drain. He then re-sealed it. Jorge was sheepish that it had been his guy to cause the problem, and was happy to hear that Francis wouldn't charge me for the extra visit out here for something the tile guy did, so he told Francis that he'd start referring Francis out to his customers. I was giddy with relief that the problem was nothing major, and didn't cause any permanent damage. I had been so worried, and now it took less than a minute to fix.

By the end of the day, after facing all the highs and lows, I had a major headache and was all sweaty from all the adrenaline shocks.

OH DEAR GOD NO

2005-02-28T13:38:00.000-08:00

I get home and the cleaning ladies are already at my house. (They come twice a month.) They tell me that the floor in the downstairs bathroom was soaking wet, and the bathmat was soaked with water. The water was coming from--

THE CEILING.

AAAAGGGGGHHHH

Say it ain't so!

2005-02-27T16:52:00.000-08:00

Bad news, guys. Queer As Folk starts it's FINAL season in May. After that, no more Gale Harold on a weekly basis.

Sob.

If you could hear me you could tell my nose is full of snot

2005-02-27T10:15:00.000-08:00

I apologize for not writing for so long, but I've had a really bad cold/flu germ. Everyone around here has been getting the flu, and from what I had heard, it's the kind of flu that starts out as a really innocent cold that people think they can ignore, and then it turns into a fever-puking-aching-chills-ohgodwhatthehelliswrongwithme-kind of a flu. So when I started feeling like I was coming down with a cold, I took straight to my bed and laid low for three days. I'm still not 100%, but I don't think I'll catch the full flu impact, please God. I don't think a lot of people realize that when you are sick, staying in bed is a good way to go.

So, what's been happening: the tile guys ACTUALLY FINISHED!! Wonder of wonders, miracle of miracles....actually, I should rephrase that. Jose finished the tile work. There is still a bin of garbage crap sitting in our driveway that our neighbors keep eyeing, and then they flash us angry looks. Jorge was supposed to come yesterday to pick up the garbage, and then get paid the remainder of the bill, which is quite a substantial amount. But guess what? He didn't come! (I'm sure you couldn't guess.) I wanted to call and ask him what the hell was going on, but Luiz said, hey, if he doesn't want his money, let it sit in our bank account another day. You would think that, despite all the times Jorge was late for something work related, he at least would have showed up to pick up some money. You know, to get paid. I guess not.

Yesterday Luiz and I put up the new medicine cabinet in the hallway bathroom. It's much nicer than the broken ugly old one.

What's left to do: get the shower enclosure and paint both bathrooms. I have a shower guy (what was his name again? Could it be...George?) coming on Friday morning to measure the shower pan for the enclosure. It'll probably take a couple weeks to have it installed, but he already told me the enclosure, plus installation, will cost $580. The only unknown factor in all of this is the paint job. Tomorrow I need to start calling around for painting estimates.

When everything is tallied up, I will post all the exact costs of what we paid for the bathrooms. (Along with what the contract guys were going to charge us if they had supervised the work--just to prove what thieves they are.)

__________________________________

On Wednesday, Ilan had his Siddur Party. It was so cute!! They did a whole play on stage, and all the kids remembered their lines. The funniest kid was a little boy in the back, who obviously forgot to go to the bathroom before the play, and kept rearranging his pants by his crotch. You had to feel sorry for him, but it was so funny.

Tuesday happenings

2005-02-22T19:21:00.000-08:00

Jose, the tile installer, is working on my master bathroom as I type. Unfortunately, he is not going to be able to finish tonight because Jorge, The Idiot, did not order enough tile. Whoops. So Jorge is supposed to go to Milpitas tomorrow, pick up another twelve pieces of tile, and bring them over so that Jose can finish by tomorrow afternoon. Or so he says. Jorge, The Idiot, is also quickly becoming known as Jorge The Compulsive Liar. I have four bucks riding on him not showing up tomorrow.

In other news: my shiny new green belt looked mighty fine on me when I went to karate class today. Learning the "ridgehand strike" and "reverse hook kick." Also managed to carry M. L, all 240 pounds of him, on my back for a minute while everybody cheered. Good times.

In other news: still trying to teach Nate to say "didn't" instead of "din-dint." Also teaching him to put questions in correct grammer sequence; he will say things like "what you was doing?" instead of "what were you doing?" And "where we are going?" instead of "where are we going?" I can't figure out why he does that. Is this apraxia or something else?

In other news: Jorge stinks.

School Insurance costs

2005-02-20T14:17:00.000-08:00

Mr. Lee over at the karate school once told me that the number one cause of stress in a person's life is money. I believe it.

We got the contracts for the kids' school next year. Tuition costs: over $21,000 dollars.

After the deposit, we'll be paying $2000.00 bucks a month on tuition.

I wish I didn't care so much about sending the kids to a private Jewish school, but I do. I want them to go to a good school with other Jewish kids, learning about their religion and culture. I don't want to have to worry about drugs, early teen sex, smoking, and all the other bad, bad things they would be exposed to in public school. I don't want them learning about Christmas and Easter and wishing they were a different religion and being jealous of their friends for eating bacon and ham. And I really don't want them having to deal with anti-semitism when they are so young.

$2000.00 bucks. A month.

Stress.

Nathan's version of "Jack and Jill"

2005-02-18T15:05:00.000-08:00

Jack and John
Went up the hill
To fish a pill of water

Jack fell down,
and broke his cown
and John came hoppiling after

P.S. When I asked Nate, he didn't know what "cown" or "hoppiling" meant either, he thought they were just new words the teachers were using.

Jorge stinks

2005-02-18T09:36:00.000-08:00

Jose didn't show up yesterday to start tiling the bathroom floor in the master bath. He was supposed to come at 4:00, and by 4:30, when he still wasn't here, I called his cell phone. "Oh, Jorge didn't call you?" He asked me. "I told him this morning I wouldn't be coming. He was supposed to call you and tell you. I'm coming tomorrow, around two." So I called Jorge, absolutely furious, and asked him what happened. "I'm sorry, Rivka, I forgot to call you," he said. No duh. "Jose isn't coming today." Again, no duh. "He'll be there tomorrow, though." Thanks for the heads up.

Then I asked Jorge what's going on with the baseboard tile for the hallway bathroom, which should have been here...last week. He said he would pick it up today and bring the tile over, if he remembers. If he remembers? I sarcastically asked him if I need to call and remind him, and he said, and I quote, "I would appreciate a courtesy call."

What the fuck?? I need to give him a courtesty call to remind him to do his job?

At least the water stain on the master bathroom floor hasn't come back. And it rained pretty hard yesterday. So I guess the new seal on the gutter solved the problem.

The hallway bathroom, even though it's not done yet, already looks loads better than what it did before. So I'm grateful for that.

2005-02-17T14:07:00.000-08:00

It's been a while since I updated on the bathrooms, but everything has been so freakin hectic here. The tile installer, Jose, has just about finished tiling the hallway bathroom. I say just about, because the baseboard hasn't been done yet, but the baseboard tiles don't come in until maybe later today. But that's not such a big deal.

The tile did have to be "floated." They had to cement the walls to make everything even before they could tile it. It tacked on an extra night of work, but it was the only way to make sure everything came out good. I don't know yet how much extra it's gonna cost us. :-(

Jose started on the master bath a couple nights ago. He doesn't have to "float" that one, he can use backerboard. A problem came up, though, when a huge water stain started growing on the floor. At first I thought maybe someone spilled water on the floor, but the stain kept getting bigger. Then we realized what was going on: it was raining outside, and the gutter in that corner of the house was broken. The gutter was actually cut into the stucco of the house, and the seal was broken, so the rain water was going through the stucco, through the sheetrock in the bathroom, and making a water stain on the floor.

At first I got really upset about it, but then i decided that it was probably a good thing it rained that night, because if it hadn't, i wouldn't have known that the gutter was broken. Jose would have put the tile floor in, and the water coming in through the sheetrock would have ruined it, and we would have had to do the whole area over again later.

So yesterday I had gutter guys come and fix the gutter in that corner. They also put "gutter guards" on all the gutters, all around the house. Cost: $1,152 dollars.

Ouch.

Hopefully this solves our water-stained floor problem. I'm actually hoping for a really good storm right now, so I can be sure the gutter is fixed (or not). Luiz thinks I should just grab the house and spray it up there. But wouldn't that wet the sheetrock anyway? I mean, water doesn't usually come down sideways, does it.

The people I must deal with

2005-02-16T11:10:00.000-08:00

Not a lot of time to write. A new character in this crazy play, the Gutter Guy, is supposed to show up any minute and save my sheetrock from collapse (again, will explain later). But here's a snipet from a conversation I had yesterday with a guy working in my bathroom:

Sheetrock Guy: Your name is Rivka?

Me: Yes...

Sheetrock Guy: What does that name come from?

Me: If you mean what nationality, it's hebrew.

Sheetrock Guy: You're a hebrew?

Me (biting me cheek from swearing at him): Ya, I guess that's one way of putting it...

Sheetrock Guy: Cause I thought hebrews were dark, and you're not dark.

Me (clenching my fists): Ooookkkaaaayyy...

Sheetrock Guy: And your husband, he's a hebrew too?

I walked away at that point.
But yes, he made it out of my house alive.

Status Report

2005-02-13T11:48:00.000-08:00

Latest pic from this morning on the bathroom project. The tile guy finished tiling the walls, but not the floor, and still has to do the grout. But from the picture, you can make out the PRETTY DESIGN I PICKED for the tile! Isn't it BE-U-TIFUL?

Sperm + Egg = Nut

2005-02-10T16:32:00.000-08:00

Recently a case in Chicago has been causing a lot of headlines around here. A married couple, going through in-vitro fertilization, found out that the lab that had been storing all their frozen embryos accidentally destroyed one. Unfortunately, that was the one embryo of good quality, that had a good chance of implanting and growing into a baby. So the couple took the lab to court, for wrongful death of their infant. And the judge in this case ruled in their favor, saying that a human being is a human being, no matter what age or gestation.

This judge pisses me off, let me tell you.

I can say this off the bat: I feel bad for this couple. They really want a baby, and that one frozen embryo, out of probably a handful, was probably their best hope. And now it's gone, out of some kind of freak accident. I sympathize.

But does this mean that the lab is guilty of murder? Even if the cells had been placed in a woman's body, there was a small chance, at best, that the cells would have resulted in a baby. And there was no way those cells were doing anything without being in a woman's uterus. It had the potential to someday become a baby; but it was far from being there yet.

I think a lot of people are forgetting that science has come far, but it has not yet invented a way to grow a baby without a woman. For sperm and egg to result in a baby, the two must spend some time together (at least 23 weeks together) in a uterus. Science has not yet made an artificial uterus (they are trying, I know). So, in other words, sperm + egg = something that may make a baby, someday.
It does not equal a baby per se.
In my opinion.

This is what a bathtub looks like after it's been "waterproof'ed"

2005-02-10T15:32:00.000-08:00

The tile guys came slightly after six-thirty last night. They "Waterproof'ed" the hallway bathroom, and plan on coming late this afternoon to start the tile work. That is, if the fact that the tub is not 100% even against the wall doesn't create too much of a problem. If it does, then the tile will have to be "floated," meaning, set up with concrete instead of "backerboard." Gosh, the things you learn when you surpervise your own remodel.

Happy Happy Joy Joy

2005-02-09T18:33:00.000-08:00

IT'S SIX THIRTY IN THE EVENING. DO YOU KNOW WHERE YOUR TILE GUYS ARE?

No? I don't, either.

I spoke to my installer though, Jorge, a few hours ago. He told me someone would be coming over tonight to "Waterproof" the hallway bathroom. He then told me he thinks both bathrooms will be done by Monday.

Monday.

I told him I flat out don't believe it. He laughed at me and said "you don't believe it? Why not?" I said "because I just don't think so," thinking, "because you don't even answer the freakin phone and you tell me you're coming when you don't and at this rate you'll either take twenty years or I'll have to get someone else to install the tile, but either way, it won't be done by Monday." I can, on occassion, keep my mouth shut.

*****

Okay, so I just went to eblogger to look for an old post to link to, and I can't find it.
?????
All my really old posts are gone.
?????
Does eblogger not keep posts past a certain age? What's up with this?? Someone tell me, please, what is going on.

*****

I think it might be slightly possible I am PMSing. A smidgen. My husband will be happy; I'll take out all my fury on the tile guy instead of him. He gets a month off. Oh happy day.

Tick Tock Tomorrow already

2005-02-08T18:59:00.000-08:00

Bad mood, bad mood, bad mood.

The plumber came, and on time, at that. But I couldn't stick around, I had to go to karate, so I just showed him what needed doing (according to the tile guys) and left. When I got back, the floor in the master bathroom was in better shape, but the tub in the hallway bathroom didn't seem to be changed at all. The tile guys said it was crooked, remember.

I called up Francis, and he said he did his best to move the tub but "the bathroom is supposed to be five feet and it's really five feet one and a half inches." Like I would understand that. And apparently, it did make sense in some way, because when I called the tile guy and told him they would have to deal with the tub as-is because "the bathroom is supposed to be five feet and it's really five feet one and a half inches," the guy replied, "ohhh, okay, so we'll deal with it," like he understood the significance of that.

He also told me he would call me back to tell me if they could schedule me in tomorrow. I was like, "you are coming tomorrow. Okay? You are coming tomorrow." And he was like, "ya, yaaa, we're coming tomorrow, I'm just not sure what time, I'll have to call you back."

He hasn't called, of course.

What does this mean? Are they coming? Aren't they coming? Will they show up at six in the morning and say "we thought you knew?" Should I bother worrying about it, or just assume they won't come at all? But then I'll worry more.

It will get done. That's what I have to keep telling myself. IT WILL GET DONE.

And go look at more pictures of Gale Harold.

Waiting

2005-02-08T08:20:00.000-08:00

Waiting for the plumber to come. He's supposed to fix the tub and the floor so the tile guys can get started. The tile guys were supposed to call me yesterday to schedule a time to come, and they never called. Ugh.

I told the plumber I need to go to karate today, so he can't just show up three hours late. He said he'll be here at 8:45. We'll see.

I JUST WANT THIS DONE WITH!

This is the last pic, I promise (at least for a while)

2005-02-08T08:17:00.000-08:00

Okay, for those of you who don't know, Gale Harold plays Brian on Showtime channel's "Queer as Folk." Maybe you have to see him in the show to know how seductively handsome he is. I don't know why he doesn't show up in more magazines and stuff.

Gale Harold.

2005-02-06T20:07:00.000-08:00

I'm only a little bit obsessed. A little bit. Obsessed.

Oh. My. God.

2005-02-06T20:02:00.000-08:00

Finally figured out how to send pics from the web. ISN'T HE PERFECT??

Ooh, la la...

2005-02-06T19:37:00.000-08:00

Okay, let me get this straight:

You have a game played by a bunch of huge, muscular guys. They are wearing super-skin-tight outfits that completely show off their tushies. Under these outfits, they are wearing nothing but jock-straps. They line up, and one of these guys puts a ball between his legs. Another guy comes up and grabs the ball between his legs. Then all the guys fight over the ball that was just between the other guy's legs. They bump and grind against each other, and even occasionally make a move called a "pile up." After throwing the ball around for a while, wrestling each other in their skin tight lycra, acting all tough and powerful, one of the teams is declared the winner.

And this game is not TOTALLY GAY??

How do otherwise straight guys take this game seriously at all?

I mean, anyone who knows me knows that I am not homophobic or anything. But come on, people. This is not about homophobia. This is about calling it like it is.

More snags

2005-02-05T19:16:00.000-08:00

So, of course, we had to run into more snags with the bathrooms project.

The tile guys came today to measure the bathrooms for the tiles. The head guy, Jorge, took one look at the sheetrock in the hallway bathroom and said "I don't like this." Francis's assistant, Jose, had put the sheetrock around the tub, and he had done it wrong. He had cut it with gaps around the tub, and unevenly. Also, apparently Francis put the tub in slightly crooked. And there should have been this stuff called "Waterproof" put between the sheets of sheetrock, and there wasn't. (Yes, there is actually a product out there called "Waterproof.")

It took about two hours to figure out what would need to be done, and who would do it. Francis has to fix the tub, so it's evenly against the wall. But we're hiring the tile guys to fix up the sheetrock in the hallway bathroom. We're also having the tile guys sheetrock the master bathroom, and "Waterproof" all the sheetrock in both bathrooms. They seem to know the best way to handle the sheetrock so it's water-tight. When we called up Francis on his cell phone and asked him if he could "Waterproof" both bathrooms, he was like "what? what's that?" So we decided the tile guys were probably more qualified for the job.

They liked Francis's work with the plumbing, but they had issues with Jose's work. I told Luiz later that I think Jose didn't take care of his work cause he was mad that we didn't let him do the tile work. He had put in a bid to do the tile, and I had said no. So I think he was kinda pissed. Which is no excuse for shoddy work, obviously.

Francis can't come until Tuesday to even out the tub. Then on Wednesday the tile guys will come to sheetrock the master bath and "Waterproof" the bathrooms. The "Waterproof" compound takes at least a day to dry, so there goes Thursday. Maybe, if all goes well, we can start the tile work on Friday.

I realize these kinds of setbacks are normal. I realize that, because we are the acting "supervisors," we have to deal with these issues, instead of letting a head contractor do it. And the project is still progressing in the time frame we had in mind all along.

But it's still a big headache. I need some tylonol.

2005-02-03T19:21:00.000-08:00

This is the spot that the bathtub is supposed to be in. You can see the shower pan for our new shower on the other side of where the wall is supposed to be. Get it?

2005-02-03T19:19:00.000-08:00

The plumber's assistant having fun with the old bathtub in our front yard. I told the plumber, Francis, to get in too, but he said "we are not that way inclined."

An update on the bathrooms

2005-02-03T11:47:00.000-08:00

So here's what's been going on:

Last Friday, our new plumber came and started working on the bathrooms. His name is Francis, and he's Irish, and his accent is heavenly. In case you don't know, I love Scottish and Irish accents. The first time I heard his voice on the phone, I said to him, "I love your accent. Where are you from?" He said, "I'm Irish." I said, "you're hired. When can you start?" So he started on Friday. Not the best reason to pick a plumber, I suppose...but...he's Irish, people.

So far, in the master bath, he's ripped out the floor and all the tiles, pulled out the old shower pan, and installed the new one. He's also done some work to the water pipes, but there's no toilet in there right now. In the hallway bath, the floor is half gone, but the old tub and tiles are still there. But..da da da ta...there is a new Japanese Toto floor toilet where the wall-mounted toilet used to be. Cool.

Today, he's supposed to come and rip out the bathtub and all the tiles in the hall bath, and put in the new tub. If he has time, he'll put the new toilet in our bathroom. Then he has to fix the big hole in the wall that separates the two bathrooms.

After that, I need to get the tile guys in to re-tile around the tub, around the shower, and both floors.

Craig warned me that if I'm lining up all the work orders myself, I have to know what order to have stuff done in, and when. I ran into a snag like that on Monday afternoon, when Francis asked me, "so, when are your tile guys coming?" And I was like, "was I supposed to pick tile yet?" And he got this surprised look on his face and said "maybe you should go pick some tile tonight." So on Tuesday, Luiz worked from home and I went tile shopping. I realized then why Francis was a little alarmed that I didn't have the tile work lined up yet; apparently, a lot of types of tiles come from the east coast or from some other country, and you can't just have the tiles sent to you the next day. Some of them take six weeks to be delivered. So I was limited to picking tile that they had in stock. I also wanted to go to a tile store that both supplied and installed tile; most of the places around here don't do both. But I managed to find a place that had tile that I like in stock, and can have their people install it next week. So in the end, that snag worked out okay.

If Francis finishes his work this week, and then next week the tile guys come, then (hopefully) all I have left is the paint job and enclosures for the shower and tub. I still don't know exactly where to get a shower enclosure, but the tile store guy said he has the name of a place, and I'm not too worried about it.

So, without jinxing it or invoking the evil eye, let's break this down:

Plumber: estimated $3,800, but found some damage, so let's give him $5000.
Tile: estimated $5,200, but doesn't include soap dish and toilet paper holder and baseboard, so let's give them $6000.
Paint guys: need to to paint the walls and the cabinets, so what the hell, let's give them $500.
Enclosures: I have no idea. Let's say one thousand for each, so it includes installation. $2000.

Estimated total: $13,500. A far cry from the sixty grand the other contractor wanted, wouldn't you say?

Oh, Heaven

2005-01-31T19:42:00.000-08:00

The plumber has been comin round. Here's the big news:

We now have a floor toilet in our hallway bathroom. It works. It is marvelous.

Really, I am so happy, I could kiss the toilet. But that would be gross.
Our walls are gone, our floors are gone, the shower is gone, and the toilet in the masterbath is still gone. But progress has been made.

More posts about the bathrooms project to follow. Right now I have to go stare lovingly at my new toilet.

A quiet moment in time

2005-01-27T19:32:00.000-08:00

The kids are bathed. They have eaten supper. They have done their homework. I have talked with them about their day, given them lots of hugs and kisses, and massaged their feet. They are now watching t.v., with full bellies and clear thoughts, content. Soon I will help them brush their teeth and give them more hugs and kisses and put them to bed.

These are the moments that remind me what life is all about. And it is good.

Mom the supervisor

2005-01-27T08:56:00.000-08:00

So I've changed the template again. I think this one will stick around for awhile, it pleases me.

It looks like we're on our way to handling our bathroom issues. Remember, we had one construction contractor give us an estimate of sixty grand to do both bathrooms, and we had another one give us an estimate of forty-five grand, but that one didn't cover stuff like permits, fees, painting, etc. So if you added those things to the second estimate, then both were around the same. But we felt like both estimates were totally inflated.

When I saw the breakdown of the first contractor's estimate, I realized a few things: one, he had gotten his own plumber to give him an estimate, and then rounded that figure up; two, he had included prices for work I hadn't asked him to do (like re-do all the electrical work); and three, he had tacked on an 18% fee to the whole deal. No wonder it was so much!

So I decided to try to divide up the jobs, and then find a few different contractors to handle each job separately. I called my old real estate agent, and got the name of a good plumber, and asked him to come take a look. He doesn't do tub or shower enclosures, and he doesn't do tile work, but to replace both toilets, the tub, and the shower pan, he's charging us $3,800. This is a far cry from the ten grand plus 18% fee plus tax the other contractor was charging us, don't you think?

So we're going to get him to do the toilets and the tub and shower pan. Then we'll need to hire someone else to to the enclosures, hire someone else to do the tile work, and hire someone else to do the paint job. The bathrooms will definitely take longer to get done, and we'll be dealing with way more people, but it will also cost us a hell of a lot less. And we'll also only be working on what we wanted done in the first place, not a whole bunch of other stuff. The electrical work is fine.

Nate has "parent-teacher conferences" today, I get to hear all about what kind of kid he is in school. Yippee.

Life goes on...

2005-01-25T14:42:00.000-08:00

I'm still thinking about messing with the template some more. This one doesn't really tweak me, either. The problem is that I'm really not that computer savvy, and once I figured out on the last template how to post links and stuff on the sidebar, it became important for me to be able to do that. And on this template, I can't. So it'll probably go sometime soon.

The city guys finally came and pruned the trees in our front yard today! The trees are city owned trees, which means that we're not allowed to touch em. Only the city can do anything to them. The thing was, the trees had long branches covering our driveway, and would drop these spiky ball-y things all over the driveway and cars. So today, finally, the city crew came and cut down most of the branches that grew over our drivway. Most, but not all. I am not happy that they didn't get them all. I may have to declare war on the city and go become a...gasp...lobbyist. I think I would make a good lobbyist. I'm good at making people feel uncomfortable for not agreeing with me.

Ilan starts science club today, which means that I pick him up an hour later from school. I have an hour of more time with just Nathan in the house, but then I have less time to give Ilan supper, have him take a bath and do his homework, and just relax before bed. Ilan really needs unwind time after school. But when I heard that science club is only twenty five bucks for the whole course, I thought, even if he drops out, I'm not out a whole lot of money. So he's giving it a shot.

If there is anyone out there who can give me ideas of what I can be when I grow up, I'd appreciate it.

You like?

2005-01-22T15:27:00.000-08:00

I've been messing around a bit with the template. I like it better like this mostly, except that now I don't know how to add links to the sidebar. But it looks a little classier to me. What do you think?

I took the kids to a karate tournament today. They each won two trophies. It was fun, but these things seem to start so damn early, I have to miss breakfast, and when I miss breakfast, I become a bear, very snappy and grumpy lumpy'ish.

I didn't enter myself. I decided I'd rather not compete, even though I'm pretty sure I would've had a lot of fun. But the thing is, I really don't care about winning trophies. I'm not taking karate to be better at it than other people, I'm taking karate to have fun and be as good as I can be at it right now.
When I go to the kids' school, I'm hanging around other moms who are mostly very nice and friendly, but can also be very bitchy and competative. Everyone there constantly looks at everyone else like "are they dressed nicer than me? Do they have a bigger house than me? Are their kids smarter than mine?" It gets very tiring. I go to karate, and for one hour I don't have to worry about how other people are looking at me, or whether or not I'm better than the next person. I can learn at my own pace, and do the best I can.

In a tournament, unfortunately, attitude kind of goes out the window. If you have two people competing in the same division, and one practices twice as hard as the other, but the other has more raw talent or simply looks more attractive, then that other person will win. And that's just life, it's reality and one must just deal with it, if one decides to compete. But I chose not to. So there you are.

I was kind of rude to one of the other karate women the other day, Ms. M. I made a joke about her having a crush on one of the younger "instructors in training," Mr. Black. Mr. Black is only eighteen years old, but he looks like he could be twenty-five. Anyway, I made this comment in front of Mr. Ekholm, who unfortunately believed the joke, and started looking at Ms. M very alarmed. I tried to tell him that it was a joke, and Ms. M told him the joke wasn't true at all, but I don't know if he believed the denial. Oh well. Ms. M kinda cooked her own goose when she tried to tell Mr. Ekholm that the reason why the joke couldn't be true was that she really had a crush on Mr. Griner. Somehow she thought that would sound better.

I can see clearly now....

2005-01-19T19:38:00.000-08:00

Luiz made it home. He is tanned, trimmed, and looks much more relaxed, although I don't know how he manages to look like that since I know that the trip was actually very stressful for him and the whole time he ate like a pig. Steak and rice two meals a day, everyday.

He's snoring on the couch right now, fast asleep. I kept asking him if he wanted to go to bed, but he kept insisting on staying up until after the kids go to sleep. He wanted to spend some time with them. Good intentions, except that he's totally exhausted. The kids are jumping all over him right now, and he's still snoring away.

On a side note, my neighbor just called and asked us to take their dog again this weekend while they go away. She's so grateful that we keep taking the dog, she said she would bake us some cookies. She makes amazing cookies. Now we get a great part-time dog, and we get amazing cookies. A no-lose situation if you ask me.

My husband is home, my kids are healthy, and this weekend we get to borrow my neighbor's dog, and we get free cookies. Things are starting to look up.

How we met

2005-01-18T21:51:00.000-08:00

And now, on a more cheerful note, Luiz should be home in about twelve hours. I can't wait. I miss him so much.

The story of how we met:

I met Luiz nine years ago, in a dance club in Tel Aviv. I had been dragged to the club by a friend of mine, Daphne, who wanted to go, but didn't feel like paying for the cab all by herself that night. I hadn't wanted to go out, but Daphne convinced my roomate to go, and then they both ganged up on me and forced me out the door.

The dance club itself was actually very nice, packed full and playing samba music. When we got into one of the side rooms, there was a group of guys standing in a corner against the wall, drinking beer and talking. Daphne started walking towards them, and I tagged along. But before we reached their circle, Daphne stopped me and said, "some of those guys are my friends. But do you see that one in the middle, with the white shirt on?" She pointed to a man holding up a beer can, laughing. I immediately noticed he had incredibly wide hands. "That's Luiz. Stay away from him. He plays with women." And she continued walking to the group.

Luiz didn't even notice me at first, but his friend Fabio sure did. Fabio kept trying to talk to me, obviously interested, which was a great ego boost. But Luiz didn't seem to see me at all. Finally, I mentioned that I needed a drink, but I didn't know where the bar was. Fabio offered to take me, but I shoved Luiz in the shoulder and said, "you show me where to get a drink," and he finally seemed to actually see me. After that, he stayed close to me all night. I learned later that at one point, when I took a few minutes to go to the ladies room, Fabio told Luiz to back off, because he had been interested in me first, but Luiz told him no way, since I had made my preferences known.

Some other fun stuff happened that night, some funny stories, like how I stole Luiz's watch, which I still have, and how I also stole his wallet, full of other women's phone numbers, which I threw away. But the one still memory that always burns the strongest is of Luiz, standing against the wall, holding up a beer with one of his fabulously wide hands, laughing. It's the way I will probably always remember him and think of him, even when we're a couple of old prunes in the nursing home. Hopefully we'll still be laughing together.

Some memories revised

2005-01-18T19:14:00.000-08:00

When I was in middle school, I went through a heavy duty depression period. It actually started in fifth grade, and got progressively worse, until seventh grade, when I tried to convince my mom (one final time) to switch me to a different school. Of course, my mom was in complete denial about what I was going through, and busy romping through what I like to call "Leave It To Beaver Land" in which she saw everything as perfect and all problems solvable within half an hour, and nothing changed in my life. Finally, at some point in the middle of ninth grade, I remember waking up one morning and realizing, with great surprise, that I no longer wanted to die. The worst had past.

How can a child be that depressed for so long, without any of the teachers taking notice, you ask? I have no idea. I used to think that I must have just kept my unhappiness to myself, that maybe, since I didn't make trouble or bring attention to myself, the teachers didn't have any reason to think that maybe something was very, very wrong.

But a few months ago, when I went back to Boston, I was going through some of my old school notebooks my mom had saved from my childhood. And I found my old journal from sixth grade. And this is the last entry in the journal, a letter written to my teacher (spelling corrected):

Dear Mrs O[]-
How are you? Lately I have been feeling so bad. When we wrote those letters to one another at one meeting, I heard that people thought I was too depressed. So lately I have been trying to be cheerful. But something is holding me back, and I don't know what.

And on the back I had written:

I am so sad.

Now, I have a vague memory of sixth grade "meetings," when all the girls would have lunch together in the classroom, with the teacher, Mrs. O, there. One of the things we used to do is write down what we thought of each other on paper, in case there was a catfight going on and Mrs. O wanted to deal with it in a controlled setting. And apparently, at one of these meetings, the other girls had written down that I was depressed. They had noticed it, more than one of them; and the teacher had read what they wrote, and knew what they thought.

And then I had written that letter to her, and she must have read that, too.

She knew I was depressed. She knew I felt bad. She knew I was feeling so bad, that others were noticing it, too. But no one was called. Nothing was done. The year finished, I left her classroom, and I don't doubt she didn't give me another thought.

Of course, this was years ago. I would like to think that today things would be different. That maybe, if faced with a depressed student, a teacher would have the knowlege and foresight to call in the parents, to at least try to get them to take their kid to a therapist. To maybe keep a better eye on that kid, and make sure he/she's doing okay.

Maybe, if my teacher had called my parents and told them about my letter, and convinced them to take me to a therapist, I would not have spent the next three years in a black cave. Maybe I would actually have some happy memories of middle school. Maybe I would even be a different person today.

I am a happy, good person today, don't get me wrong. I have never again been as depressed as I was at that age. But it enrages me that my teacher knew about my depression, my horrible bleak sadness, and did nothing about it. I feel like I was cheated out of years of happiness because of teacher who didn't care. Because of a school that didn't care.

I was so sad.

How they get each other in trouble

2005-01-17T15:00:00.000-08:00

Ilan: Eeeeeemmmmaaaa, Nathan hit me! In the stomach!

Me: Nathan! Did you hit Ilan in the stomach!

Nathan: But he asked me to hit him!

Me: Ilan, did you ask Nathan to hit you?

Ilan: Yeeessss....but I didn't ask him to hit me so hard!

Two grandmas

2005-01-12T13:40:00.000-08:00

It's been a few days. Mother's here, having fun with the grandkids. Giving them lots of candy. She starts before breakfast, and doesn't stop until right before bed when I put my foot down. But I can't make that big a deal out of it, because she is the grandmother, and that is her job, and she doesn't get to do it all that often. Plus, she is cooking for us, and I, for one, like a lot of her dishes. And she watches the kids so I can go to the bathroom in peace. And she gives me an excuse to go shopping.

Luiz's mom, on the other hand, is driving him absolutely crazy. Poor guy.

On a different topic, I saw the movie "The Butterfly Effect" yesterday, and it was awesome.

Made the Plane

2005-01-08T18:27:00.000-08:00

Luiz made it to Rio, although he was two hours late. But his tardiness wasn't his fault; he made it to the plane in Washington bound for Rio. But apparently, the plane was supposed to make a short stop in Sao Paulo on it's way to Rio. In Sao Paulo, the flight attendants decided to get off the plane and not come back for awhile. They took, like, a two hour unauthorized break. So all the passengers had to wait for the flight attendants to come back. I wonder what happened with that. Luiz told me the whole situation was like a big "Welcome to Brazil!"

So Luiz is in Rio, he's sweaty hot, enjoying the food, but hating the big sounds of the city.

Another FTMM (Full Time Mom Moment) I had today: someone said to me, "oh, you're a full time mom, no wonder you look so tired." Thanks. A lot.

Let's go through this again, people

2005-01-07T14:05:00.000-08:00

A Re-Visited List of What NOT to Say to a Full Time Mom: (These are all direct quotes)

"Oh, you have the hardest job in the world, I know." (Usually said very patronizingly.)
"You're a full time mom? I'd love to stay home and watch t.v. all day."
"You must have time on your hands, so can you do X,Y, and Z for me?" (Usually said by friends and family members)
"How do you stay in shape, eating bon-bons all day?"
" I think it's great that you gave up your life for your kids."
"You're a stay-at-home mom? So you don't work at all?" (I wish)
"If you stay home anyway, why don't you open up your own daycare center? That way, you can make some money out of watching your kids."

This is a work in progress, so I'll add more later; I have to go pick up Ilan from school. And then sit in front of the t.v. eating bon-bons. Contemplating how I gave up my life. Sheesh.

Luiz leaves La-La Land

2005-01-07T13:53:00.000-08:00

Tertia, over at So Close, had her babies. You can go say congrats here.

Luiz left this morning to Brazil. He leaves the Bay Area from the S.F. airport, not San Jose, so it adds another forty-five minutes to his overall travel time. He's going from S.F. to Washington, D.C., to Sao Paulo, to Rio. In the end, it should take him about twenty hours to get to Rio. If everything goes right. Which it probably won't.

He called me from S.F. and told me his flight to Washington was delayed about fifteen minutes. He was worried that the delay would make him miss his flight to Sao Paulo. I thought, why would fifteen minutes make a difference, if he's got a few hours wait in the airport? But then he told me that his wait time is not a few hours; it's about one hour. Now down to forty-five minutes.

Who leaves a mere one hour layover between a domestic flight and an international flight? He doesn't even know if his international flight leaves from the same terminal as the domestic flight arrives in. I doubt it. He'll probably have to run to another terminal, go through security, then go through extra security cause it's an international flight...

Let's see if he makes it.